The Commish Report: Week 9

How 'bout them Cowboys? HAhahahahahahahaaaahahahaaaa!!!!!!

There's no way Tony Romo's back makes it to February. Sorry Steve, I just don't see that happening. Thus, the Brandon "Smokin'" Weeden era is upon the horizon. I can't wait. Also, TWICE now the Lions have actually won a game in the last few minutes. Inconceivable! How I long for the past. And who the hell lets Big Ben throw for over 500 yards against them? Seriously, Big Ben?

Huuuuuuge underdog wins last week. 4 of the 6 matchups saw a lesser team defeat a better team. All except for E. Who still lost. Woe is E. And me of course. But who's surprised? Someone needs to show "Staci's Team" how to pick players up from waiver wires.

That's why they play the MATCHUPS! (3-3, just flipping coins here)

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!!!! PACKERS vs Lions: This is a classic rivalry. Packers versus Lions...... except without any Packers and without any Lions. Odd time to square off but bye weeks are part of the fun. At 4-4 each, both team managers have to find some consistency if they are going to make the playoffs. I have to pick Kevin though with Beast Mode against the Raiders and Thomas should have a huge game against a porous NE secondary. I feel dirty about this but Suh by 14pts.... and now I need a shower.

Your Fearless Leader vs Hot Thor: This was supposed to be the matchup of the week! Two 6-2 teams going head to head for control over the Crossfit division. But then you went and lost to Joe last week, ruining the showdown. Should be a great game. I'll be missing the 1st and 2nd players I picked in the draft but I'm feeling confident as always. That's what a FIVE game winning streak does to you. Shenanigans by 5pts.

Romo's Hurt Back vs. Back Breaking Manual Labor (Paid under the table): As of Wednesday afternoon Steve is favored in this matchup by 95% according to Yahoo. I think Yahoo is still being a little favorable to Casey! Steve wins by Bunches and Bunches.

Seadderall vs Malibu Staci: Don't call it a comeback, but smokin Joe has won three straight and looking mean. Meanwhile, Staci's team suffers from an inability to make transactions. She must be an only child, refusing to share. However, her Niners are back this week and taking on a depleted Rams team who is basically pulling fans from the stands to play defense. Joe's streak comes to an end as the Niners dominate and Staci celebrates. Staci by 10pts.

Carla squared vs E. Carla could win this with Peyton and Foster alone. Carla by 45pts.

LOP vs Uhhhhh Shana-na-naa: Lots of bye week challenges for both these squads. Looks like Shan doesn't even have a RB to play this week. Interesting strategy, lets see if it pays off for her. LOP by 8pts.

If you're looking for a good Blues song try "Free Will" by People's Blues of Richmond. Good stuff.

My pinball documentary is over 700 views now and counting. I'm Pinball Famous!

Stop. Collaborate. Listen.

Loved some of y'alls Halloween costumes. 44 days and counting....

The Commish.
S.

The Commish Report: Week 8

Whaaaaa?! 2 Commish Reports in a row??? You're welcome!

How Close was my Win over Jeremy?! THAT CLOSE!!!!!

For the last couple of seasons the NFL has always been having the "Will they join the Dolphins as the only NFL team to have a perfect season???" conversation with at least one team. Luckily this year we're saved that conversation. Every team can be beaten this year, and even the defending SuperBowl Champions have now lost 3 games (Those Tricky Rams!!!!)

Our league is also impossible to predict. Last week's largest margin of victory was only 10pts. That's insane. But comes to show that any one of us is capable of winning any week. Except for E. E never wins.

But enough about the past, lets look at this week's Matchups!!!! (4-2 Last week, not too bad)

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!!!! Mr. Pruitt vs Mrs. Pruitt: How great has this football season been for Steve thus far? Utah is the surprise upstart team of the PAC-12, his fantasy team has only lost one time (to me) and how bout them Cowboys? I'm sure this is God's compensation for having to deal with a preggo wife and months of sleepless nights on the horizon. Poor Steve. At least football is good to him. Steve by 14pts.

Manneson Family Murders vs Seadderall: Anne's still sitting atop the Crossfit division but, as Kevin was pointing out the other day, I think she sits upon a throne of lies. SIX other teams have scored more points than hers. Meanwhile, she's dead last in points scored against. I think reality sets in this week when a 2-5 team soundly defeats her squad. Seadderall with the upset by 9pts.

DOGS RUNNING WILD vs Speedy Gonzales: Predicting my mom's matchups is as easy as looking to see who Green Bay is playing. This week the Packers travel to Nawleans in what should be a video game-like offensive show. Sucks to be Casey when DOGS wins by 18pts.

Evil Shenanigans vs The San Francisco 49ers: The Niners are on a bye week and so is Staci. Shenanigans by 20pts.

Suh Leaves, Lions Suck vs Legion of Puke: Uh oh. The Detroit Lions have figured out how to win games at the last second, as oppose to losing them. This week they'll feast on the Atlanta Falcons who aint' exactly the Denver Broncos. Or the Oregon Ducks. Or better than most High School teams in Texas. Which sucks cause I was really rooting for them after watching Hard Knocks over the summer. Lions Roar, Kevin Wins by 10pts.

Kevin's Better (And I mean Better) Half vs E: Eric what happened?! I believe in you last week. Picked you to win even! And what happened? You let me down. Disappointed. Went all "Rex Ryan" on me. This week you're favored by double digits but I just can't bring myself to do it. Shandra wins.... by double digits.

Go Ducks, Dolphins and ummmmm Dinosaurs.

There's a halloween party coming up for some of you. I'll be super homesick that night now. Wish I was there.

If you haven't already, watch my documentary on Pinball Players I made for school. http://vimeo.com/109648869

She says "I want to dress slutty for Halloween."
So I say "You should dress up as the 49ers Secondary."
She asks "Why's that?!"
I clarify "Because they barely cover anything."
And then we laugh.

The Commish
S.

The Commish Report: Week 7

Thursday, October 18th 2012. That was the last time I sat down to write one of these. Man I'm a terrible Commish. But lets look at the years I was good at this. No promises but I do miss doing this. Maybe more in the future. Maybe...

The NFL has changed a lot since I last wrote and not for better. For example the Cowboys are 5-1. I don't think there's another team I watch more, why? because the epic collapses are must see TV. But now? It's not fun to watch them win. I miss the days they let the Jets, THE JETS, come back and beat them in the 4th quarter. Dark days....

A lot has changed with the league too! We now have 2 divisions. Legacy players (Friends and Family BC) and The Crossfitters. And currently the Crossfitters are kicking ass. They say functional fitness is designed to make you good at all things so can't say I'm surprised. Steve is the only outlier, just like his beloved Cowboys Steve's team has been surprisingly dominate. Only one loss....to me!

Long time no Commish lets TALK MATCHUPS!!!

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!! Cowboys (5-1) vs Niners (4-2): Sadly this is the only matchup between two teams with a winning record. But interestingly enough this is the biggest Romosexual I know going up against one of those annoying 49er fans. THE CATCH! Right? So much history. And the first time in decades a Cowboys/Niners rivalry might be meaningful. This should be tougher to call but Steve's on a roll and the Niners, who makes up 84% of Staci's team, are playing the Denver OMAHA's. I'll take Steve by 18pts. 

Seadderall vs Kevins Woman: I wanna take a moment to point out how Joe has gone from first to worst. Poor guy. That was of course until of course he faced off against E last week. But when you're starting Eli Manning how many wins do you really expect? Just ask Tom "I'm so angry" Coughlin. Meanwhile, Shandra is Wacko for Flacco and sitting pretty at 4-2. Is Joe's team underrated or is Shandra's team overrated??? Ummmm Shandra by 10pts. 

GREEN BAY PACKERS RUNNING WILD vs E: Sadly only 3 wins here between the two teams. I'm only disappointed in my mom though, I've come to expect mediocrity from E. I'm going to go on a limb though and do something I don't normally do. With the Green Bay Packers playing the Carolina Panthers AAAAAAnnnnnnddddd the Colts playing the Bengals, I'm going to say the Packers wildly dissapoint this week and E WINS but only by 3 pts. 

My future Nephew vs Good - But unLUCKy: Kevin's team has scored the most points but only has a 3-3 record. Worth repeating, Kevin's team has scored the most points but only has a 3-3 record. He's also pretty low on the points against statistic. So what happened? How does Kevin have the best mediocre team? I'ma say Karma. Just....Karma. I don't see him losing this week though. Kevin rejoins the winners by 23pts.

Marilyn Manneson vs The Mexican: Darren McFadden ? Heath Miller ? Mike Wallace ? ¿Cómo diablos se Anne ganar nuestra división ?! Casey , mientras tanto, es en donde me imagino , batallando con Kevin para el Sacko Bowl. Este es un caso clásico de la mejor frente a lo peor y no soy tan tonto como para apostar a David sobre Goliat . Anne gana por 78 pesos.

Dreams vs Legion of Puke: On paper Jeremy's team should be a lot better than it is. But the reality is 2-4. Meanwhile, Cam Newton reminded everyone he can run! Which is why I drafted him! And now you're all gonna die!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!! Evil Shenanigans by 15pts.

Here's a vine of Bronco's Julius Thomas explaining how difficult it is to score on the Jets. 

BC stands for Before Crossfit. 

GO DUCKS!!! You know how much it sucks to be the guy at the bar at 10:30pm on a saturday night screaming at the bartender to turn up the game? No you don't!!!

Keep taking my surveys! 

Ever since watching The League Shane now wants in. Maybe he can co-manage Anne's Co-manager team. Then it could be Shanneson?

S.