Week one was AMAZING!!!! wasn't it?! Except for maybe Staci. That was ugly. And for this guy.
In some ways the NFL is wildly predictable. Reggie Bush is already injured, Ndamukong Suh already did something shitty and the Patriots reminded us why we all hate them. God I hate the patriots. And in other ways, tons of surprises!!! None warmed my heart more than watching Marcus Mariota light up Jameis Winston for a win......oh wait no we've seen that one before.
Our league had some surprises as well. I guess yahoo knows a little more about draft grades than i gave them credit for. Oh well. Wins this week came in landslide fashion. That's sort of how week one goes I think. Teams will adjust, outcomes will change and Greg Olson scores a dozen touchdowns. That's how it happens.
Game, Set, MATCHUPS. (3-3 last week, I let myself down)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!!! Some hot Nurse on Nurse action: This matchup really brings out the fantasy in fantasy football when Anne and Staci decide to get it on. Anne's probably riding a tidal wave of confidence after standing up to the school yard bully last week. Meanwhile, Staci set a league record for fewest points scored in a week (actually she didn't, the record is still held by Micah, shock, who put up 24pts back in 2013). Staci's going to need that stethoscope to find any pulse to her playoff chances after Anne completely ravishes her and her poorly drafted group of flunkies. Hellllooooooooooo Nurse! Anne on top of Staci........by..........what was i talking about?
Only Jets Fan Evahhh vs Romosexual Tendencies: FACT! Eric has never started a season 2-0. I looked it up! Since the league began in 2007 he's only won his opener like 2 or 3 times and has never won the first two games. That's sorta amazing right? What are the possible odds of that? What the odds of it continuing on to next year?! Pretty high I'd say. Romosexual wins by a last second 7pts.
The Mexican vs A Cop: When has this matchup ever worked out for a Mexican? Never. But this Mexican has plenty of friends. Friends who score touchdowns. And when you have friends like this its hard to lose. Even against a cop. And Mike, I hope Kelce and Landry DO NOTHING FOR YOU. The Mexican alludes the police and resists arrest, by 20pts.
What's Your Deal? vs Starfish Loves You: #tbt. Joe did himself a huge favor when he drafted the only Niners player who will matter this season, Carlos Hyde. Are you kidding me with that spin move?! I think Joe will hard to stop this season until Marshawn Lynch breaks down in week 7. Which would be kinda ironic for the Niner fan. Carla's team, and the city of Denver, is relying a little too heavily in Manning's throwing arm for me to pick blood over water this week. OMAHA! Joe wins this one by 15pts.
The Hulk vs A Cop: Shane has hit this league like a transfer from another prison, looking around for the biggest person and trying to beat them up. He found our former champ last week and......well didn't stand a chance. This week he'll try to curry favor with the guards instead. This ones tough to call. I feel like Rex Ryan will contain Gronk but I also don't think Shady McCoy gets more than 10 carries (if any at all). I don't think either team comes close to their 100+pt projections, and it will be close! I'll give the nod to Shaner because I always root for the bad guy. Always. Shaner by Niner.
Me vs Mom: It wouldn't be a fantasy football season unless my mom had a Packers WR to go with her Packers QB. James Jones out of NOWHERE! Meanwhile, I'm trying to find some sort of answer at RB until next week when LeVeon Bell returns to my roster and I win the league. In that order. Sorry mom, i love you, but I ain't in the business of starting 0-2. Me by 12 points.
Now go Pop-n-Lock-It.
The Commish
S.
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