The Commish Report: Playoff Edition

The last Commish Report of the year. *fireworks*

Like the majority of MMA PPVs, I feel like we've invested too much to watch something be over so quickly. This commish report is for the ones who still have hope, the ones with reason remaining to cheer. I for one will spend my summer drinking to forget this horrific season. God Damn Doug Bladwin.

No matchup predictions this week. Instead, I present to you ladies and gentlemen and Mexican of the league my annual list of post-season heroes ranked in order of who I want to see win it all this year, from least to most.

Intolerable
Seadderall (Joe): Can't have this. Champion in '11. Champion in '13. Three makes a dynasty. There's a lot of New England Patriots about Joe and his fantasy football style. Seemingly pulls players out of no where and finds a way to win (check), mysteriously quite about anything he's thinking or doing (check), shadow side partner who helps him make decisions (check). He's 11 deflated footballs away from being the same team.

Also Intolerable
Deeznutz (Shaner): Guys, we gotta stop him. You know how much a Ruxinesque reign would ruin my summer? And Shane knows nothing about this, for him to walk in and win a championship his first season would be an insult to us all. He must be stopped.

I just learned spanish for Intolerable is intolerable
Shock N Awe (Casey): In the last Superbowl there was a conspiracy that the NFL influenced the Pete Carroll's decision to throw the ball instead of running it because they didn't want Marshawn Lynch to become the face of the NFL. His character, behavior, persona what have you, wasn't who Roger Goodell and the rest of the Sith Lords wanted to be the hero. And I get that.

Only a little painful
City Team (Steve): After winning the inaugural season in '07, Steve has been trying to return to the promise land. He's come close, much closer than his beloved Cowboys have come to doing anything relevant in that same span of time. But just like Tony Romo, it's way more fun to watch his team lose than it is to watch them win. It's spectacular.

Our league would poop glitter
Victorious Secret (Kim): Last season we had one lone female, in a playoff full of dudes, just go nuts and crush everyone. I believe Kimmie could do the same and nobody has worked as hard or done as many mock drafts as she has. She deserves it. If I had a trophy (someday I will I promise!) it would be a bitch to clean the glitter off it for the 2016 season which is why she's only 2nd on this list.

TDs FTW!
TDs and Beer (Mike): Great team. Great name. Great ass. He might have to beat his wife to do it (phrasing) but I believe we'll see TDs in the championship. Mike's team has been the poster child of consistency, he's been humble in wins and in losses and he voices the most appreciation for this poorly assembled string of words called a commish report. A true gentleman.

BONUS CONTENT!!!!
Olsen/Sacko Bracket Prediction: I hope it goes to Nevin. That is all.

Welp, that's it for this season in Commish Reports. I hope you've had as much fun reading these as I have had writing them but I doubt it. Not sure why anyone reads these honestly. Despite the tragedy that befell my team, I had a lot of fun watching football and rooting for various outcomes. You guys have been an absolute blast to share the season with and I hope to see you back next year.

I'm home SATURDAY!!!! Who wants to meet me at Buffalo Wild Wings for beer and stomach ache on Sunday??

Last night the concubine and I decided to take in a little KC Culture and attended a production of "The Nutcracker" at the world renown Kauffman theater. The World Series Trophy was used as a prop during the 1st Act but Oddly enough, Antonio Brown was no where to be found.

I'm sure that you'll forgive me if I don't enthuse I guess I've got the Christmas blues.

%$#@ this season.

The Commish
S.

The Commish Report: Week 13

Yikes!

Sunday mornings. a new commish report on the lapper, bourbon in the coffee, kittens in their "time out" cage, girlfriend in the time out kitchen making us pancakes. Mmmmmmm pancakes.

The last 3 professional football games have been insane, haven't they? The patriots fall like a Brock (GD I'm clever) and then both the Browns and the LOLions lose in only ways the Browns and the LOLions could lose. Some people think the NFL is in a sad state, while there's some truth to that and the waiver wire is currently full of the more dynamic players to watch, the 2015 football season has at least been entertaining if not unpredictable.

The only thing that truly saddens me about this NFL season, other than my PA stat line, is that we may have seen the last of Peyton Manning. With that comes the end of the great Manning v Brady quarterback rivalry which, in my opinion, was the only relevant QB rivalry left in the NFL and the only one we've seen in the last decade worth discussing. Kaep v Wilson was great for a season or two and Eli v Tony is always interesting but did we ever care to the level we cared about Manning Brady? And what could possibly replace them as the next great rivalry? Brock v Rivers? Newton v Winston? Cutler v Giving a shit?

 

Also way may have seen the last of those glorious Manning Commercials. "Clark" he whispers.

Last commish report of the regular season. Lets talk MATCHUPS!!!! (4-2 last week, not sure what my overall average is but I'll assume its pretty good)

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!!! Shockingly Awful vs "Fatherhood" by Bill Cosby: Win and you're in this week when the Mexican takes on the ManBear. Once upon a time I believed Casey drafted a monster but turns out that was just pure nonsense. Meanwhile, Shane has been coming in hot and looking to make a playoff run in his rookie champagne campaign. Personally, I hope this matchup ends in the tie keeping both these wankers (yes, wankers) out of the playoffs. Next commish report will be my annual list of who I want to see win the championship and rest assured the winner of this matchup will be toward the bottom of that honor. In the meantime, I'll pick Shane to win this week since Casey doesn't even have a full roster with 50min til kickoff. Hulk Smashes his way into the playoffs by 15pointers.

Me vs E and a bottle makes 3: Woe is E. At one point he was actually in 1st place in the league! Now, he's on the outside looking in to the playoffs, needing a win this week just to have a chance. Ha! At one point I had Devonta Freeman on my roster, back in week one when I was hopeful and happy. Now, jaded and bitter, I've taken his leftovers, DeAngelO I shouldn't have dropped him, and will laugh mercilessly when I keep him from reaching the promise land for the 8th year in a row. Maybe Damien's almost old enough to help you draft? But until such a day you'll once again be in that consolation bracket where you belong in 2015. Shenanigans wins by 14pts.

DOGS v Awesome: My big sister made me cry last week so now my mom's here to punish her for being a jerk. That's the way I look at this matchup at least. Carla's grounded this week when Mom wins by 20+ points. %$&@ Doug Baldwin.

TDs vs BRFs: Mike's on the brink of locking down the division and getting a first week bye in the playoffs. Staci's on the brink of......yelling at more little kids after her team loses for the 11th time this season. 6 playoff spots could be going to 3 rookies this year, I guess our league was soft to begin with. the TDs are HUUUUUGGGGEEE this week and Mike walks his way deep into the playoffs. TDs by 23pts.

Victorious Secrets vs Naughty Secrets: After decent showings by her LOLions players, Anne has a 34% chance of winning. Which means Kimmie has a 34% of not making the playoffs after being dominate for the majority of the season. How did that happen?! The bigger question, how hard of a time will Mike give Officer Kimmie, should he make the playoffs and she doesn't?! And if two cops are having a 'domestic disturbance' who the hell do you call to report it!? There's a 34% chance we'll have the answers to these questions and more. But I still think Kim wins this by 12pts.

City Team vs Seaderall: Steve is a 10-2 team and a massive underdog in this matchup. You sand-bagging SOB. I guess that's what happens when your opponent's TE catches a 60 yard Hail Mary against the LOLions (remember when that happened?!). Steve's life doesn't change regardless of the outcome of this game, however, with 5 teams at 7-5 fighting for 4 playoff spots, I'm sure the rest of the league will be rooting for the come from behind win. Just like the fighting Irish tho, they always manage to piss everyone off so I'll say Seaderall keeps the points coming and wins this matchup by 11pts but Steve doesn't even care does he?

Do yourselves a favor, pour yourself a tall glass of bourbon and watch the Bill Murray Christmas Special on Netflix. It's amazing. Feel free to skip the Miley Cyrus song.

We may have an Oklahoma vs Alabama NCAA title game which, if my Bible knowledge is as good as I believe it to be, represents the 4th sign of the apocalypse and the love child between Bob Stoops and Nick Saban is obviously the Anti-christ.

No Frills just pure unlicensed by the NFL commentary.

Home in TWO WEEKS! I'm thinking a league gathering at Buffalo Wild Wings while I'm in town. Sound good?

The Commish
S.