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| Yikes! |
The last 3 professional football games have been insane, haven't they? The patriots fall like a Brock (GD I'm clever) and then both the Browns and the LOLions lose in only ways the Browns and the LOLions could lose. Some people think the NFL is in a sad state, while there's some truth to that and the waiver wire is currently full of the more dynamic players to watch, the 2015 football season has at least been entertaining if not unpredictable.
The only thing that truly saddens me about this NFL season, other than my PA stat line, is that we may have seen the last of Peyton Manning. With that comes the end of the great Manning v Brady quarterback rivalry which, in my opinion, was the only relevant QB rivalry left in the NFL and the only one we've seen in the last decade worth discussing. Kaep v Wilson was great for a season or two and Eli v Tony is always interesting but did we ever care to the level we cared about Manning Brady? And what could possibly replace them as the next great rivalry? Brock v Rivers? Newton v Winston? Cutler v Giving a shit?
Also way may have seen the last of those glorious Manning Commercials. "Clark" he whispers.
Last commish report of the regular season. Lets talk MATCHUPS!!!! (4-2 last week, not sure what my overall average is but I'll assume its pretty good)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!!! Shockingly Awful vs "Fatherhood" by Bill Cosby: Win and you're in this week when the Mexican takes on the ManBear. Once upon a time I believed Casey drafted a monster but turns out that was just pure nonsense. Meanwhile, Shane has been coming in hot and looking to make a playoff run in his rookie champagne campaign. Personally, I hope this matchup ends in the tie keeping both these wankers (yes, wankers) out of the playoffs. Next commish report will be my annual list of who I want to see win the championship and rest assured the winner of this matchup will be toward the bottom of that honor. In the meantime, I'll pick Shane to win this week since Casey doesn't even have a full roster with 50min til kickoff. Hulk Smashes his way into the playoffs by 15pointers.
Me vs E and a bottle makes 3: Woe is E. At one point he was actually in 1st place in the league! Now, he's on the outside looking in to the playoffs, needing a win this week just to have a chance. Ha! At one point I had Devonta Freeman on my roster, back in week one when I was hopeful and happy. Now, jaded and bitter, I've taken his leftovers, DeAngelO I shouldn't have dropped him, and will laugh mercilessly when I keep him from reaching the promise land for the 8th year in a row. Maybe Damien's almost old enough to help you draft? But until such a day you'll once again be in that consolation bracket where you belong in 2015. Shenanigans wins by 14pts.
DOGS v Awesome: My big sister made me cry last week so now my mom's here to punish her for being a jerk. That's the way I look at this matchup at least. Carla's grounded this week when Mom wins by 20+ points. %$&@ Doug Baldwin.
TDs vs BRFs: Mike's on the brink of locking down the division and getting a first week bye in the playoffs. Staci's on the brink of......yelling at more little kids after her team loses for the 11th time this season. 6 playoff spots could be going to 3 rookies this year, I guess our league was soft to begin with. the TDs are HUUUUUGGGGEEE this week and Mike walks his way deep into the playoffs. TDs by 23pts.
Victorious Secrets vs Naughty Secrets: After decent showings by her LOLions players, Anne has a 34% chance of winning. Which means Kimmie has a 34% of not making the playoffs after being dominate for the majority of the season. How did that happen?! The bigger question, how hard of a time will Mike give Officer Kimmie, should he make the playoffs and she doesn't?! And if two cops are having a 'domestic disturbance' who the hell do you call to report it!? There's a 34% chance we'll have the answers to these questions and more. But I still think Kim wins this by 12pts.
City Team vs Seaderall: Steve is a 10-2 team and a massive underdog in this matchup. You sand-bagging SOB. I guess that's what happens when your opponent's TE catches a 60 yard Hail Mary against the LOLions (remember when that happened?!). Steve's life doesn't change regardless of the outcome of this game, however, with 5 teams at 7-5 fighting for 4 playoff spots, I'm sure the rest of the league will be rooting for the come from behind win. Just like the fighting Irish tho, they always manage to piss everyone off so I'll say Seaderall keeps the points coming and wins this matchup by 11pts but Steve doesn't even care does he?
Do yourselves a favor, pour yourself a tall glass of bourbon and watch the Bill Murray Christmas Special on Netflix. It's amazing. Feel free to skip the Miley Cyrus song.
We may have an Oklahoma vs Alabama NCAA title game which, if my Bible knowledge is as good as I believe it to be, represents the 4th sign of the apocalypse and the love child between Bob Stoops and Nick Saban is obviously the Anti-christ.
No Frills just pure unlicensed by the NFL commentary.
Home in TWO WEEKS! I'm thinking a league gathering at Buffalo Wild Wings while I'm in town. Sound good?
The Commish
S.
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