The Commish Report: Week 10

This week the United States elected the guy who fired Lil Jon (twice!) for delegating important tasks to Meat Loaf but then not following up as effectively as he could have which cost the team during an important Nabisco Cookie project presentation.

Now, I'm not about to turn my beloved weekly report into a 500 word Facebook post about what this election means to me. I'm sure your FB wall, like my FB wall, is already too full of those. And as a white heterosexual male, I lack a lot of "authority" in the issues of this week. I'll just say this, I encourage the good people of this league to go find one of the dozen black people living in Medford and say something encouraging to them. If you can't find them, a Mexican will do pinch. A half Mexican won't be enough. While the headlines are focused on the stupid white kids in Portland who forgot to vote so they're taking it out on the local Safeway, there are circles of people who are legitimately worried about how their neighbors feel about them today as a result of this election. They're worried about their safety and their future. Which is sad. So regardless what your politics are, a friendly reminder that racism/sexism/homophobia/etc doesn't surround them will go a long way this week.

And if there's any diversity in Utah, although I haven't seen any evidence of this, but in any case be nice to them too. Be exceptionally Mormon this week.

Lets save all our nastiness toward each other for important issues like trades and collusion.

And now I'll take a kneel on political issues and get to this weeks' MATCHUPS!!!! (4-2 last week, it has taken me 2 months but starting to figure things out)

True story!

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!! DOGS RUNNING WILD vs NURSES GETTING NAUGHTY: I've had this matchup circled on my calendar since the draft! Since I can remember my mom has a Quarterback Crush. In 1984 it was Dan Marino, she spent the 90's in a Brett Farve phase, she got a Peyton Manning jersey for Christmas in 2005 and for the last 4 years she can't R-E-L-A-X about Aaron Rodgers. So when Anne STOLE HER MAN in the first round of the draft... IT. WAS. ON! Like Donkey Kong. To make things worse, Anne has just let Rodgers sit on her bench for most the season, rubbing salt in the wound. Assuming Anne's team doesn't go off for another 145.66 god damn points, this should be a competitive matchup. Real competitive in fact, it's a 50-50 split. It's going to come down to one simple thing and I think that'll be defense. My mom chose wisely, grabbing the defense playing the Cleveland browns is a real smart choice. Meanwhile, Anne has the defense going against Tom Brady, and that is less smart. Revenge is spelled D-O-G-S this week, by 4pts.

Tony "The Big Dilemma" Romo vs. Smaller TDs Each and Every Week: Each of these teams got off to a hot start and now each team is hovering around the .500 mark. Steve picked the wrong season so avoid EVERY Dallas Cowboy. So he wants to make Dallas Great but doesn't want to be any part of it. Sorta like how Colin Kaepernick wanting change in America but thinks Voting is worthless. If there's one thing about this season it's been league parity, even the Mexican is coming back down to earth. And with a Steve win both these teams would be exactly .500. So I'll go that way, Steve wins when LeVeon and Lamar finally get it together on the same week and give him the 12pts he needs to win with.

BRFs Easily Get Beaten vs #GlassCaseOfEmotion: The current project of both these teams equals how much Anne scored last week. Someone's got to win between these two but your guess is as good as mine. Nevin's a huge Dallas fan and I expect that one to become a shootout so I'll give her the edge in this one. Nevin by 16pts.

Devonta E man vs Victorious Secret: Look at E! Sitting on top of the Division. Although I think everyone in the Legacy division has been 1st place at some point (except me of course). Now, is it enough to actually make the playoffs? Probably not. Eric's been in this spot before, and consistently found a way to make sure he never sees a glimpse of the post season. History can teach us a lot about the future and History has shown that Eric's team will fall with the temperature like he always does. I'll take Histor-E to repeat it self, an E collapse and a Kimmie victory, by 10pts.

Evil Shenanigans vs. The Mexican: I fully expected to lose this matchup. I'm missing my Carr to Cooper connection and Casey's team has been on nothing short of a roll. But if I won everything else I would have a shot at the playoffs. Then last week I ran into a wall bigger than the one Trump wants to build to keep Casey's cousin's out of America. Now I'm in a must win situation. Casey's on a two game losing streak and I'm hoping Cam Newton, my man!, can help me make it three. Keeping my playoff hopes alive for another week. It's David versus Goliath (If Goliath had a small landscaping business) and I need to pull this upset off or else its game over. Shenanigans prevails, by 8pts.

Speedo's and Tomin vs. #MakeAmericaGronkAgain: This one will be a lot of fun to follow. I love the trash talk, love the mind games, love the matchup. Hiro has her Patriots back and maybe Dak actually throws the ball to Dez this week. How is Dak2Dez not a bigger thing?! Shane's team is back to full strength as well, with Big Ben successfully kicking in 9 of 10 bathroom stall doors at practice this week. This one's gonna come down to the wire and I think I gotta go with Shane to edge out Hiro this week. I believe in Shane. I guarantee Shane wins this week. I gotta real solid hunch his team will win. There's no way Shane doesn't win this week. I spoke with Micah, HE also says Shane will win this week. And that dude is always right. Shane by 10pts.

Ordered and watched my first UFC event last night. Money well spent when Hiro shrieked and buried her face in a pillow after Yoel Romero busted open the head of Chris Weidman like a cherry tomato.

Trump: Lil' Jon, You're fired!
Lil Jon: WHAT?!?!?!
Trump: You're Fired!
lil Jon: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Trump: You're fired.
lil jon: OKAY!!!!!!!!!

I would tell my future son or daughter, let them laugh today and then do something about it if it really bothers you.

Lamar Jackson versus Alabama would be incredible to watch. Fingers crossed.

USC has been ruining PAC12 credibility since 2007!

And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

The Commish
S.