A tradition unlike any other.
First, a recap.
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| Where were you when Atlanta blew a 25pt lead? |
Then things got ugly.
Not sure what punched me in the gut worse. Atlanta blowing that lead or those margs coming back up in a hurry. But I ended the 2016 football season in the fetal position. Surrounded by 2 concerned cats while chasing dinosaurs from the bathroom floor and cursing Tom Brady's name. That my friends, is my football rock bottom.
Good riddance to that season, hello 2017.
Few bold predictions about this season.
- Andrew Luck won't see the field until October, Colts win less than 5 games this season. Seriously, the terrible offense line of the Colts has cut this star's career short a few years already. The surgery he had, only one of 39 MLB pitchers return successfully from that same surgery. They gotta start thinking long term with this guy and there's no rush to put him back out there to get further destroyed.
- Jay Cutler will play surprisingly well. Fins return to the Playoffs. Lets face it, Tannehill's shoes aren't tough to fill. No one will notice the difference. Plus they get to play the Jets and Bills twice a year so that's 4 wins right there!
- Patriots will NOT repeat. I'll take the field.
- Dallas regresses, goes 8-8. This may change should Elliot play all 16. They lost a ton of talent in the offseason and most rookies regress their sophomore year.
- Cam Newton returns to form. Seems to be his pattern. On one season, off the next season. They're a fun team to watch when he's good and even more fun to watch when he's falling apart. NFC South is loaded this year. Current best division in the NFL.
- Kanas City Chiefs are going to the Superbowl! You heard me.
Enough NFL, lets talk Fantasy!
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!!! Shock N Spanish vs. The Defending Champion: Last season was Baker's year. Taking an 11-2 record into the playoffs, he looked unbeatable. But the end of 2016 was a dark time for all Mexicans and it was a bubbly white woman holding our newly minted championship belt over her head while a 3rd place half Mexican simply went back to standing outside of Home Depot. No me gusto. Can he recreate some of that brown magic from last season or will Kim take her first step toward a three-peat? Glitter farts drafted 3 players who won't see action in week 1 and I'm pretty sure OBJ will be one of them. The Mexican steals this one after a huge game by Julio. Also half Mexican. Casey by 14pts.
Naughty Nurse vs. TDs And Beers: The best indicator of a great draft is NOT those stupid report cards from Yahoo but rather, the week 1 projection. And nobody has a higher week 1 projection than Anne. Her team is indeed stacked. Cooper, Hill, Bell, Brees, Walker AND even Mr. Anderson is an unfair lineup. Mike may have finally drafted the right David Johnson but I don't believe that will be enough to overcome a great draft from Anne. Or dare I say Mason? NaughtyNurse by 11pts.
DOGS RUNNING WILD vs Hard Gronk Life: Each manager has a set strategy. Pick your favorite QB and then hope for the best. Well, Hiro got her Brady and my mom got her Rodgers. Rodgers is clearly the better QB but when I break down the supporting cast for each it doesn't bode well for my mom. Gronk is a great pick but for him to go off means Tom is throwing those (deflated?) balls his way. Plus there's Antonio Brown. Who is good. Real good. So I'll take Gronk Life to get this week 1 win. Gronk by 19pts.
Devonta Freeman vs Super Mariota Kart: Gotta love it when people draft the player that is their team's namesake. At least Carla was creative about it, but I guess a lack of creativity is what makes E want to look at spreadsheets for a living. Man, I'll really miss having Erics playoff drought as something to joke about. He finally saw the post season last year and now i have no jokes. Seriously. That was like 80% of my content. Gotta find some new jokes. In the meantime, I don't believe in Carlos Hyde (Or any 49er this year) but I can see Eric winning this by 10pts.
BRFs Can't Be Beat vs. Doug Hates Kim: Is this my favorite new team name? Yes. Of course it is. I hate that dog. Shane drafted a nice couple of WRs, but will they be good enough to overcome being overthrown all day by Bortles and Scott Toilzen (sp? I'm not gonna bother looking that one up)? Doubtful. Meanwhile, Nevin picked up every cowboy she could get her hands on, except the one that matters. Dez will finish again outside of the top 25 WRs in fantasy like he did last season.....and the season before that one. Not a lot to like about either squad, except that team name 👍 which is good enough for me to say Shane wins this week, 15pts.
Evil Shenanigans vs The Elders: Ahhh Mormon Jokes, will we ever run out? Steve may not be master of his own Mormon universe anytime soon but he may have gotten the steal of the draft. Zeke, for all 16 games, in the 2nd round. Pairing him with Shady for a very scary one-two punch at RB. I can only hope the courts are slow enough to keep Zeke off the field week 1. But can't anyone believe Zeke's gonna miss 6 games after the NFLs complete bungling of the situation over the last few weeks. What can never be suspended? My undying fantasy optimism. Shenanigans prevails week 1 by 10pts.
Enjoy Thursday Night's season kickoff when MY Kansas City Chiefs shock the world with an upset of New England in New England.
I can't stop watching this.
Can I kick it?
No, Roberto Aguayo, no you can't kick it.
77pts?! GO DUCKS!
The Commish
S.
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