Hey gang, busy week this week thus a short report.
Straight to the Matchups! (3-2 last week, Called E's upset Victory!)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!: Chaos N Suh vs. JetLovinJunior: Two six win teams currently have tickets to the playoff picture but stand set to knock each other out of contention depending on how this shakes out. I'm pretty sure Ana can expect another studly performance from Brees this week. But Lions v Saints should be an absolute shootout and Brad's got Stafford and Megatron, plus Reggie Bush 2.0 so I think he's just got more firepower. Brad wins a shootout, advances to the playoffs.
Dogs vs Buzz Killington: Carla does have an outside chance to make the playoffs here but she'll have to step on her own mother to do so. The Giants secondary got absolutely shredded by Drew Brees last week. That same secondary gets Aaron Rodgers and his friends this week. I think it takes longer than one week to completely change a defense. Dogs wins a close one, Rodgers over 30 points.
Deal vs. Ben: You didn't need a huge Marshawn Lynch performance to get the edge on Heather. But it sure doesn't hurt either. Deal by a lot!
Romosexual Regrets vs. E: Poor E. With a victory this week he'd at least finish outside of the last place spot. But Steve is a cold hearted bastard who would kick a puppy and punch a kitten to win in Fantasy. Romosexual wins, E finishes in last place.
Shenanigans vs Suck: Welker vs Indy....Ray Rice against Cleveland. This will be tough to stay in but I never doubt myself even when logical statistical evidence suggests otherwise. Me by 2 pts.
See you guys in the playoffs!!!
The Commish
S.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 12
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I just want each member of this league to know how much I appreciate your participation in this week in and week out. Means a lot to me and while I write these commish reports for my own amusement, I thank you all for reading along to humor me. Much appreciated.
There was a lot to appreciate last week in football. Did you see Blounts touchdown run? The Incredible Hulk wrecked less carnage. If I was a sports announcer I would never get tired of saying "And Blount violently punches his way into the end zone!" I'm very slowly making my way onto the Niners Bandwagon. I actually enjoy watching that group find some success. Great week for waiver wire. C.J. Spiller, Kevin Smith and your name is Toby Gerhardt should come in handy these next few weeks. I noticed nobody picked up Matt Leinart. I know I would snatch him up if this was a Fantasy Hot Tub Beer Bong League....he'd go first round for sure. However this is the National Football League and I'm pretty excited to see how the notorious slacker/womanizer fairs. Ever watch Blue Mountain State? He's that guy....just in real life. I'll bet he made a call to Orton this week with his best sales pitch.
Put down the Bong and check out this week's Matchups!!! (4-1 Last week, I let myself down)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!! Romosexual Retards vs. What's Your Deal?: What am I looking forward to the most tomorrow? Is it the Turkey? Is it the Stuffing? Is it Apple Pie? No. It's Miami vs. Dallas. Miami is red hot right now. They haven't allowed a touchdown in three games. Matt Moore's QB rating is next to Aaron Rodgers in that span and now the hungry fins go to Jerry-world to take on the unpredictable Cowboys. Care to place a little wager? Dolphins win after the Dallas offense struggles. Suck to have a bunch of Dallas players on your fantasy team this week. By the way....Deal wins by 10pts.
Shenanigans Loves You vs. Starfish Loves You: Nothing like a sibling matchup on Thanksgiving to put me in the holiday spirit. Biiiig hit losing fast freddie jackson to IR. Early Christmas gift for me I suppose. Ski season opened in Salt Lake this week so I'm sure that means Carla isn't so interested in her roster. Maybe it'll go unnoticed and I'll get an unnecessary leg up in this holiday competition. Shenanigans gets more love on Thanksgiving, wins by 15 points.
TeamJetLovinJunior - Bye Week, winner.
Packers vs Lions: As if Brad didn't already have enough vested interest in the Lions vs Packers game his fantasy roster (mostly Lions) goes up against my mom's fantasy roster (mostly Packers). Who yells at the TV more tomorrow morning? I'm actually going with the Lions in tomorrow's game. They have more to prove and I think will take the Packers to the wire. I believe in the Lions and therefore believe in Brad. Chaos wins by 19pts
Suck for Luck vs. Jet's Fan: Woe is E. Michael Vick isn't coming through like he had hoped. Now he's bringing Hasselbeck. Sort of in the way Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back.....just with less successful results. Suck For Luck should rename his team Ray Rice and the Ricettes. Ok, because it's the holidays and because I believe in holiday miracles I'm going out on a limb and making an upset call. E wins, not by much.
Enjoy the holiday my friends! Here's my gift to you....Lions, Dolphins, Niners. Go make some money on those solid gold locks!
The Commish
S.
There was a lot to appreciate last week in football. Did you see Blounts touchdown run? The Incredible Hulk wrecked less carnage. If I was a sports announcer I would never get tired of saying "And Blount violently punches his way into the end zone!" I'm very slowly making my way onto the Niners Bandwagon. I actually enjoy watching that group find some success. Great week for waiver wire. C.J. Spiller, Kevin Smith and your name is Toby Gerhardt should come in handy these next few weeks. I noticed nobody picked up Matt Leinart. I know I would snatch him up if this was a Fantasy Hot Tub Beer Bong League....he'd go first round for sure. However this is the National Football League and I'm pretty excited to see how the notorious slacker/womanizer fairs. Ever watch Blue Mountain State? He's that guy....just in real life. I'll bet he made a call to Orton this week with his best sales pitch.
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| I Can't Wait!!! |
Put down the Bong and check out this week's Matchups!!! (4-1 Last week, I let myself down)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!!!! Romosexual Retards vs. What's Your Deal?: What am I looking forward to the most tomorrow? Is it the Turkey? Is it the Stuffing? Is it Apple Pie? No. It's Miami vs. Dallas. Miami is red hot right now. They haven't allowed a touchdown in three games. Matt Moore's QB rating is next to Aaron Rodgers in that span and now the hungry fins go to Jerry-world to take on the unpredictable Cowboys. Care to place a little wager? Dolphins win after the Dallas offense struggles. Suck to have a bunch of Dallas players on your fantasy team this week. By the way....Deal wins by 10pts.
Shenanigans Loves You vs. Starfish Loves You: Nothing like a sibling matchup on Thanksgiving to put me in the holiday spirit. Biiiig hit losing fast freddie jackson to IR. Early Christmas gift for me I suppose. Ski season opened in Salt Lake this week so I'm sure that means Carla isn't so interested in her roster. Maybe it'll go unnoticed and I'll get an unnecessary leg up in this holiday competition. Shenanigans gets more love on Thanksgiving, wins by 15 points.
TeamJetLovinJunior - Bye Week, winner.
Packers vs Lions: As if Brad didn't already have enough vested interest in the Lions vs Packers game his fantasy roster (mostly Lions) goes up against my mom's fantasy roster (mostly Packers). Who yells at the TV more tomorrow morning? I'm actually going with the Lions in tomorrow's game. They have more to prove and I think will take the Packers to the wire. I believe in the Lions and therefore believe in Brad. Chaos wins by 19pts
Suck for Luck vs. Jet's Fan: Woe is E. Michael Vick isn't coming through like he had hoped. Now he's bringing Hasselbeck. Sort of in the way Justin Timberlake brought Sexy Back.....just with less successful results. Suck For Luck should rename his team Ray Rice and the Ricettes. Ok, because it's the holidays and because I believe in holiday miracles I'm going out on a limb and making an upset call. E wins, not by much.
Enjoy the holiday my friends! Here's my gift to you....Lions, Dolphins, Niners. Go make some money on those solid gold locks!
The Commish
S.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 11
Tebow beating New York isn't a sign that the rest of the NFL needs to take Denver's completely one dimensional offense seriously. No, they can be defeated (See: Lions, Detroit). It's a sign that even God hates the freakin' Jets. It's also a sign that the once mighty Jets Defense is slipping. And the defense used to some-what disguise how the Sanchize still hasn't figured out the Quarterback position after three years. But now the writing is on the wall and the Jets offense is incapable of throwing the ball or running it. Fortunately they're really good at punting the ball.... from all the practice. Right now I think us Dolphin fans have more hope for our future than the Jet fans. I believe E's Fantasy squad has a better chance of making the playoffs this year than Gang Green.
Last week in our league the rich got richer and the poor got poorer with wins by the top 5 over everyone in the bottom 5. I really thought Starfish had it in her to beat Deal but he managed to squeak out the victory, leaving Starfish desperate for love. I gotta admit I feel bad for Ana, her squad has had a tough road. It's like she's in the AFC North and Joe lives in the NFC West. It explains why him....and his beloved Niners....look better than they are. Come on, Alex Smith isn't a winner.
On to this week's Matchups! (4-1 last week....14-1 this month. My awesomeness knows no bounds)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Suck for Luck vs. Let's Make a Deal: The last time these two tango'd it was a complete shootout with a half point victory for Deal. Matchup of the season thus far. This round shouldn't be any different....oh wait one of you has Mark Sanchez. Can Ray Rice and Welker keep Jeremy in this fight? Or will the lethal one-two of Brady and Peterson steamroll their B-squad opponents to a series sweep? I'm saying Deal pulls off the win....by half a point. Deal by 1/2
Ben There vs. Romosexual: Heather has 5 players projected to produce 0 points. I'm still tempted to pick against Steve. Romosexual wins a close one.
Evil Shenanigans vs. Chaos N Suh: Who's the hottest team in Fantasy Football? Probably Steve's 6 game win streak.....but then it gets Evil. The last time I lost it was 86 degrees and sunny outside. Brad's no slouch though and I'm sure his Lions are going to roll the Panthers. They have a way of dismantling mobile rookie quarterbacks which doesn't bode well for me. Picking me in a close one, Shenanigans by 8pts.
TeamJetLovin vs. DOGS: I think this matchup is going to be a good one. My mom has seen so much success with Rodgers and Jennings she figures any Packer will produce (Randal Cobb?!). Ana's got a decent squad with some good matchups. Yahoo doesn't believe in her....but I do. My Mom has two "iffy" Running Backs facing some nasty defenses and it won't be pretty. JetLovin Win by 10pts.
Starfish Loves You vs. Fan of the Sanchize: E is in trouble.... Vick is hurt (shock!) His best running backs are either hurt or on bye. His four best options are all wideouts and he can only play three. I'm clearly picking him to lose this week. But for Kicks I'll also bet Heather puts up more points this week. Any takers? Starfish puts a beating on E....40 points.
Pretty stoked about Oklahoma State losing and the Ducks are in position to romp USC and move into that #2 spot where they belong. I'm sorry Bama fans but no one wants to see that snooze fest again. The Ducks deserve a 2nd shot at Les Miles and they aren't the same Ducks from week one. It will be awesome and have a much better National appeal.
Go Ducks!
S.
Last week in our league the rich got richer and the poor got poorer with wins by the top 5 over everyone in the bottom 5. I really thought Starfish had it in her to beat Deal but he managed to squeak out the victory, leaving Starfish desperate for love. I gotta admit I feel bad for Ana, her squad has had a tough road. It's like she's in the AFC North and Joe lives in the NFC West. It explains why him....and his beloved Niners....look better than they are. Come on, Alex Smith isn't a winner.
On to this week's Matchups! (4-1 last week....14-1 this month. My awesomeness knows no bounds)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Suck for Luck vs. Let's Make a Deal: The last time these two tango'd it was a complete shootout with a half point victory for Deal. Matchup of the season thus far. This round shouldn't be any different....oh wait one of you has Mark Sanchez. Can Ray Rice and Welker keep Jeremy in this fight? Or will the lethal one-two of Brady and Peterson steamroll their B-squad opponents to a series sweep? I'm saying Deal pulls off the win....by half a point. Deal by 1/2
Ben There vs. Romosexual: Heather has 5 players projected to produce 0 points. I'm still tempted to pick against Steve. Romosexual wins a close one.
Evil Shenanigans vs. Chaos N Suh: Who's the hottest team in Fantasy Football? Probably Steve's 6 game win streak.....but then it gets Evil. The last time I lost it was 86 degrees and sunny outside. Brad's no slouch though and I'm sure his Lions are going to roll the Panthers. They have a way of dismantling mobile rookie quarterbacks which doesn't bode well for me. Picking me in a close one, Shenanigans by 8pts.
TeamJetLovin vs. DOGS: I think this matchup is going to be a good one. My mom has seen so much success with Rodgers and Jennings she figures any Packer will produce (Randal Cobb?!). Ana's got a decent squad with some good matchups. Yahoo doesn't believe in her....but I do. My Mom has two "iffy" Running Backs facing some nasty defenses and it won't be pretty. JetLovin Win by 10pts.
Starfish Loves You vs. Fan of the Sanchize: E is in trouble.... Vick is hurt (shock!) His best running backs are either hurt or on bye. His four best options are all wideouts and he can only play three. I'm clearly picking him to lose this week. But for Kicks I'll also bet Heather puts up more points this week. Any takers? Starfish puts a beating on E....40 points.
Pretty stoked about Oklahoma State losing and the Ducks are in position to romp USC and move into that #2 spot where they belong. I'm sorry Bama fans but no one wants to see that snooze fest again. The Ducks deserve a 2nd shot at Les Miles and they aren't the same Ducks from week one. It will be awesome and have a much better National appeal.
Go Ducks!
S.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 10
I am flying to Chicago on Monday to interview for a new management position with a sister company. I've already made a few big decisions regarding the potential move. I will be a Cubs fan, not a White Sox fan. I really don't care much about baseball in the first place so rooting for a loser won't phase me. I will be a Bulls fan just for Steve. I don't even know/care if there's a soccer team (I'm sorry, Soccer "Club" you stuck up bastards) and I'm sure there's a Hockey team I'll check out. But here's my problem. I really don't like the Chicago Bears, mostly due to Jay Cutler. Is it possible to root for the team but still cheer every time Cutler throws a bad pass, gets sacked, is dumped by a reality TV star or looks like an ass with his helmet half-off? I think I'd be sending mixed signals to my new friends. Only good thing about being a Bears fan is being able to say "Da Bears" 20 times a Sunday.
Dolphins won a game....dammit. And they might make it a streak against the Skins this week. I'm slowly becoming a Houston Texan fan. I hate the Chargers more each week. And the Broncos. And pretty much the entire AFC West. I think Mike Shanananahan is losing it in Washington but it's really the same formula he had in Denver. Rex Ryan looks like Jabba the Hut in a sweater vest. I don't believe in Reggie Bush.
On to this week's Matchups! (5-0 again last week! A 10 game pick streak, why bothering playing the game after you've read this?)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Romosexual vs. JetLovin: There's a three way tie for 1st place in the fantasy league. I miss the 1-3 Steve, this new 6-3 Steve is a monster. Ana used to be up with the rest of us Gods but has fallen. It's the perfect story for the end of Steve's win streak. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn and scorn she is. JetLovin by 8 points.
Evil Shenanigans vs. DOGS: My mom and I make picks each week against each other. Straight win and loss each week for each game. We've been doing this for years. Right now I hold the winning tally. That has nothing to do this week for our Fantasy Matchup....I just wanted everyone to know. I'm winning. Evil by 10 points.
Chaos N Suh vs. eeeeeeeeeeee!: I'm really into horse race betting. It's a lot of fun. When I first started out betting it was always fun to place money on a long shot. 20-1, 50-1, 100-1. The idea of placing 5 dollars and winning 50 was always very tempting. I don't place those bets anymore because they are longshots for a reason. Eric is a 20 point underdog in this matchup against Brad. Chaos by 20 points.
Starfish vs. Deal: Thursday night football sucks, I'm not a fan. I am not ready for some football in mid-week. It's un-american and just makes my Sunday a little less interesting. After underwhelming performances by V-Jax and the kicker I can see where this matchup is heading already. Deal by 12pts.
Ben There vs. Suck For Luck: Playing Heather's team is like being on a Bye week that gives you a W. Jeremy doesn't have to watch his fantasy team this week but can instead catch up on Glee. Luck by 43 points.
The PAC-12 Game of the season is tonight with the Stanford Nerds vs the Oregon Ducks. I'll be watching the game from a small sports pub in Ashland with all my rowdy friends. Outcome of the game? Ducks 52 Cardinals 7. BCS will have us still ranked behind Roll Tide and the Oklahomosexuals because computer rankings are retarded. Go Ducks!
I'm Bill Swerski, and with me, as always, are the Super Fans.
The Commish
S.
Dolphins won a game....dammit. And they might make it a streak against the Skins this week. I'm slowly becoming a Houston Texan fan. I hate the Chargers more each week. And the Broncos. And pretty much the entire AFC West. I think Mike Shanananahan is losing it in Washington but it's really the same formula he had in Denver. Rex Ryan looks like Jabba the Hut in a sweater vest. I don't believe in Reggie Bush.
On to this week's Matchups! (5-0 again last week! A 10 game pick streak, why bothering playing the game after you've read this?)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Romosexual vs. JetLovin: There's a three way tie for 1st place in the fantasy league. I miss the 1-3 Steve, this new 6-3 Steve is a monster. Ana used to be up with the rest of us Gods but has fallen. It's the perfect story for the end of Steve's win streak. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn and scorn she is. JetLovin by 8 points.
Evil Shenanigans vs. DOGS: My mom and I make picks each week against each other. Straight win and loss each week for each game. We've been doing this for years. Right now I hold the winning tally. That has nothing to do this week for our Fantasy Matchup....I just wanted everyone to know. I'm winning. Evil by 10 points.
Chaos N Suh vs. eeeeeeeeeeee!: I'm really into horse race betting. It's a lot of fun. When I first started out betting it was always fun to place money on a long shot. 20-1, 50-1, 100-1. The idea of placing 5 dollars and winning 50 was always very tempting. I don't place those bets anymore because they are longshots for a reason. Eric is a 20 point underdog in this matchup against Brad. Chaos by 20 points.
Starfish vs. Deal: Thursday night football sucks, I'm not a fan. I am not ready for some football in mid-week. It's un-american and just makes my Sunday a little less interesting. After underwhelming performances by V-Jax and the kicker I can see where this matchup is heading already. Deal by 12pts.
Ben There vs. Suck For Luck: Playing Heather's team is like being on a Bye week that gives you a W. Jeremy doesn't have to watch his fantasy team this week but can instead catch up on Glee. Luck by 43 points.
The PAC-12 Game of the season is tonight with the Stanford Nerds vs the Oregon Ducks. I'll be watching the game from a small sports pub in Ashland with all my rowdy friends. Outcome of the game? Ducks 52 Cardinals 7. BCS will have us still ranked behind Roll Tide and the Oklahomosexuals because computer rankings are retarded. Go Ducks!
I'm Bill Swerski, and with me, as always, are the Super Fans.
The Commish
S.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 9
MNF made me realize how much I want to punch Philip Rivers in the face. Is it his smug grin anytime he's asked a question during an interview? No. Is it the fact he has way too many kids? No, and six is the answer you're looking for. Is it the way his throwing mechanics remind me of the High Fives you see during the Special Olympics? A little bit. But really I just don't like that guy. However, if I had my choice I'd punch Jay Cutler first, Rivers 2nd and then Mark Sanchez.....for E.
The Dolphins once again demonstrate how they can beat another team and then throw it all away for Andrew Luck. I'm proud of their commitment to their fans....I was getting worried. But the Colts again out do the Phins...they really don't look capable of beating anyone whereas my Phins are clearly choosing not to beat other teams. This race is heating up, almost on fire!!!
In our league the good teams are starting to put their distance on the bad teams with Brad (points leader) stuck in the middle. Like the Middle Child in Full House, probably the best actress of the bunch but who cares about those in the middle? Steve's hot streak continues and I'm climbing the charts like the Beatles. Only five weeks left in our regular season....who's it going to be? (Hint: Not Eric)
On to this week's Matchups! (A perfect 5-0 last week...write that down)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Romosexual Regrets vs. Suck for Luck: This is our version of Alabama vs. LSU with #1 Steve taking on #2 Jeremy. Steve's riding high on a 4 game win streak. Jeremy, who judging by the points against tally, is the Boise St of our league looking good but never really facing any competition. Jeremy has to pick between Mark Sanchez or Philip Rivers as his starting QB this week and that's reason enough for me to pick Steve to win 5 straight. Romosexual stays straight.....on his path to the playoffs. Wins by 14pts.
Chaos N Suh vs What's your Deal?: Another big Matchup against winning teams this week. However the Lions are on bye week and I'm assuming so is Brad. Deal by 20 points.
JetLovinJunior vs. Evil Shenanigans: Ana has a fairly decent squad here. Probably better than her record represents. She continues to wear the football pants in her family. Dallas Clark has to be on of the biggest busts of the season though. Need to trade him to Eric. My squad is on a tear though. I beat E last week, I'll beat Ana this week and if Damian had a team I'd probably beat that team too. Evil Shenanigans is the scourge of the Pitt family.....Arrrr! Shenanigans by 10pts.
DOGS vs. E: The Packers were on Bye and my mom forgot Beanie Wells is having the year i thought he would have last year (when i drafted him in the 4th round) so last week wasn't so good for her. However, she gets her Packers back and Beanie gets the Rammies run defense which doesn't play so Wells. See what I did there? DOGS by 8pts.
Starfish vs. Ben There::
Lung fish, black fish, alligator, Ice fish
Armour head, hammer head, anaconda, flat head
Manta ray, stingray, fang-tooth moray
Goblin shark, grass carp, round-river-bat ray
Noodle fish, hag fish, man o' war, lady fish
Black eel, baby seal, sprat, koi, electric eel
Lamprey, pejerey, yellow-edged moray
Salmon shark, sleeper shark, featherback and eagle ray
Starfish by 20pts.
Don't burn the day my friends!
Go Ducks!
S.
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| 2011 Cutler Christmas Card (Not pictured, Kristin C.) |
In our league the good teams are starting to put their distance on the bad teams with Brad (points leader) stuck in the middle. Like the Middle Child in Full House, probably the best actress of the bunch but who cares about those in the middle? Steve's hot streak continues and I'm climbing the charts like the Beatles. Only five weeks left in our regular season....who's it going to be? (Hint: Not Eric)
On to this week's Matchups! (A perfect 5-0 last week...write that down)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Romosexual Regrets vs. Suck for Luck: This is our version of Alabama vs. LSU with #1 Steve taking on #2 Jeremy. Steve's riding high on a 4 game win streak. Jeremy, who judging by the points against tally, is the Boise St of our league looking good but never really facing any competition. Jeremy has to pick between Mark Sanchez or Philip Rivers as his starting QB this week and that's reason enough for me to pick Steve to win 5 straight. Romosexual stays straight.....on his path to the playoffs. Wins by 14pts.
Chaos N Suh vs What's your Deal?: Another big Matchup against winning teams this week. However the Lions are on bye week and I'm assuming so is Brad. Deal by 20 points.
JetLovinJunior vs. Evil Shenanigans: Ana has a fairly decent squad here. Probably better than her record represents. She continues to wear the football pants in her family. Dallas Clark has to be on of the biggest busts of the season though. Need to trade him to Eric. My squad is on a tear though. I beat E last week, I'll beat Ana this week and if Damian had a team I'd probably beat that team too. Evil Shenanigans is the scourge of the Pitt family.....Arrrr! Shenanigans by 10pts.
DOGS vs. E: The Packers were on Bye and my mom forgot Beanie Wells is having the year i thought he would have last year (when i drafted him in the 4th round) so last week wasn't so good for her. However, she gets her Packers back and Beanie gets the Rammies run defense which doesn't play so Wells. See what I did there? DOGS by 8pts.
Starfish vs. Ben There::
Lung fish, black fish, alligator, Ice fish
Armour head, hammer head, anaconda, flat head
Manta ray, stingray, fang-tooth moray
Goblin shark, grass carp, round-river-bat ray
Noodle fish, hag fish, man o' war, lady fish
Black eel, baby seal, sprat, koi, electric eel
Lamprey, pejerey, yellow-edged moray
Salmon shark, sleeper shark, featherback and eagle ray
Starfish by 20pts.
Don't burn the day my friends!
Go Ducks!
S.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 8
Sorry I'm late, I got caught up watching that Pirates of the Carribean marathon. Have you seen those things?
I'm not one to get overly excited about small chances of something happening but check this. Oregon, ranked 7th, is merely 6 ranks away from a triumphant return to the BCS Title Game. Clemson, Boise State, Stanford, Oklahoma State and Alabama stand between the Ducks and Tigers gettin' it on for the Natty. Clemson I figured would lose a game and sure enough gave one away this weekend (ducks up one spot). 'Bama still has to play LSU in a COLOSSAL matchup of 1's and 2's. Let's say LSU beats Saban's boys and remains #1, ducks up one spot. Oklahoma State still has to play Oklahoma and while I'd rather have a rusty spoon jabbed into my eyeball than root for the Sooners it's a good chance they'll lose that game and ducks up one spot. Ducks v Stanford on November 19th is bigger than the Superbowl right now and when the Ducks prevail they'll move up one spot. That leaves Boise St.....who plays no team of any significance more than 1.5 times a year. I'd love to hear the cries from Idaho when the Ducks leapfrog them to the #2 spot and Chip Kelly gets another shot at the title. Bet on all of this happening.
Romosexual knows a thing about climbing the rankings. His squad has been last place, now first place, and seemingly everywhere in between. Suck SHOULD be 3-4 but keeps coming up with ways to tie the game, he's riding a two-game tie streak into this weekend. If my team were a race horse I would love the current position, half way through and mid pack....ready to break!
I'm very impressed with my beloved Dolphins commitment to getting Andrew Luck for their fans. Clear to anyone watching last week's game was the Dolphins showing how they COULD beat the Broncos for 3.9 quarters of football but then giving the game away so our fans could enjoy Stanford's finest in 2012. Equally impressive were the Colts who demonstrated their commitment by refusing to play defense in prime time. I'm officially rooting for the Fins to lose every game this season and become the next Detroit Lions.
Boy's Lets get to it (2-2-1....freakin' ties)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!: The Newly Wed Game: Finally an NFL primetime game worth a damn in the Dallas vs Philly matchup later on this evening. Steve's counting on big numbers from Romo and DeMarco (DePolo). Carla's still riding the Wagon of the Buffalo Bills. Fitzpatrick got paid this week (11mil guaranteed buys a lot of hand made quilts for sure) and is excited to have them back after last week's bye. Steve's squad is on a tear and I have to play the hot hand here. Steve beats his wife by 20pts.
DOGS RUNNING WILD vs. Dealio: My mom has done well with her Packers wave of success, they've been playing lights out for her all season. If any team could get fantasy points on their bye week it might be the pack but highly unlikely. Deal wins big this week, 40 points.
Evil Shenanigans Vs. E's Shenanigans: I always pick me to win. And I pretty much always pick E to lose. Neither tend to let me down. Me by 10 points.
Chaos N Suh vs. Heather: This is the Tale, of Captain Jack Sparrow. Pirate So Brave on the Seven Seas. A mystical quest to the Isle of Tortuga. Raven locks sway on the Ocean's Breeze! Chaos by 50pts
Suck for Luck vs JetLovinJunior: Yea that was kinda weird but we're back in the club, buyin' up the bar so the groupies show us love. Too bad Drew Brees doesn't play the Colts each week right Ana? Suck's pretty happy to have Welker back this week, the guy does 90 yards and a score on a bad day this season. I think this one will be pretty close. So close Luck will think he's getting his third tie in a row. He won't, but he'll win by 4pts.
Davy Jones, Giant Squid
The Commish
S.
I'm not one to get overly excited about small chances of something happening but check this. Oregon, ranked 7th, is merely 6 ranks away from a triumphant return to the BCS Title Game. Clemson, Boise State, Stanford, Oklahoma State and Alabama stand between the Ducks and Tigers gettin' it on for the Natty. Clemson I figured would lose a game and sure enough gave one away this weekend (ducks up one spot). 'Bama still has to play LSU in a COLOSSAL matchup of 1's and 2's. Let's say LSU beats Saban's boys and remains #1, ducks up one spot. Oklahoma State still has to play Oklahoma and while I'd rather have a rusty spoon jabbed into my eyeball than root for the Sooners it's a good chance they'll lose that game and ducks up one spot. Ducks v Stanford on November 19th is bigger than the Superbowl right now and when the Ducks prevail they'll move up one spot. That leaves Boise St.....who plays no team of any significance more than 1.5 times a year. I'd love to hear the cries from Idaho when the Ducks leapfrog them to the #2 spot and Chip Kelly gets another shot at the title. Bet on all of this happening.
Romosexual knows a thing about climbing the rankings. His squad has been last place, now first place, and seemingly everywhere in between. Suck SHOULD be 3-4 but keeps coming up with ways to tie the game, he's riding a two-game tie streak into this weekend. If my team were a race horse I would love the current position, half way through and mid pack....ready to break!
I'm very impressed with my beloved Dolphins commitment to getting Andrew Luck for their fans. Clear to anyone watching last week's game was the Dolphins showing how they COULD beat the Broncos for 3.9 quarters of football but then giving the game away so our fans could enjoy Stanford's finest in 2012. Equally impressive were the Colts who demonstrated their commitment by refusing to play defense in prime time. I'm officially rooting for the Fins to lose every game this season and become the next Detroit Lions.
Boy's Lets get to it (2-2-1....freakin' ties)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!: The Newly Wed Game: Finally an NFL primetime game worth a damn in the Dallas vs Philly matchup later on this evening. Steve's counting on big numbers from Romo and DeMarco (DePolo). Carla's still riding the Wagon of the Buffalo Bills. Fitzpatrick got paid this week (11mil guaranteed buys a lot of hand made quilts for sure) and is excited to have them back after last week's bye. Steve's squad is on a tear and I have to play the hot hand here. Steve beats his wife by 20pts.
DOGS RUNNING WILD vs. Dealio: My mom has done well with her Packers wave of success, they've been playing lights out for her all season. If any team could get fantasy points on their bye week it might be the pack but highly unlikely. Deal wins big this week, 40 points.
Evil Shenanigans Vs. E's Shenanigans: I always pick me to win. And I pretty much always pick E to lose. Neither tend to let me down. Me by 10 points.
Chaos N Suh vs. Heather: This is the Tale, of Captain Jack Sparrow. Pirate So Brave on the Seven Seas. A mystical quest to the Isle of Tortuga. Raven locks sway on the Ocean's Breeze! Chaos by 50pts
Suck for Luck vs JetLovinJunior: Yea that was kinda weird but we're back in the club, buyin' up the bar so the groupies show us love. Too bad Drew Brees doesn't play the Colts each week right Ana? Suck's pretty happy to have Welker back this week, the guy does 90 yards and a score on a bad day this season. I think this one will be pretty close. So close Luck will think he's getting his third tie in a row. He won't, but he'll win by 4pts.
Davy Jones, Giant Squid
The Commish
S.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 7
Another week gone by and another embarrassing loss by the Dolphins. Ugh.... Everything about our team is going to be the reason Andrew Luck stays at Stanford for one more year.
Pretty crazy week for me. Romosexual and Starfish came into town and it was great having them! I spent a tuesday morning at Heaven on Earth followed by a trip to the casino to shoot some craps and play penny slots. It's probably as pirate-kingy as I could get on a Tuesday morning. I realized I'm not addicted to slot machines but addicted to slot machine mini-games....I'll pay 10 dollars of spins to play one bonus round where I get to fire cannon shots into the sky for bonuses. That game had bonus games within bonus games.... it's the reason the Commish Report is coming out at 9:30am on Sunday.
Long week = Short Report, onto the MATCHUPS!!! (2-2-1....a tie???)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Only Jets Fan Left vs. JetLovin: Ugh I hate the Jets. But I love a matchup against husband and wife. Sir Mathew Forte is playing in England this week. I wonder how much of NFL Pre-game in the UK is explaining what a yard is? Eric's team looks a lot like my team used to (Holmes, Mendenhall, Starks) it's about time Skywalker started listening to Yoda. Even with all my old players I can't bring myself to pick E, especially against someone who is way better at Fantasy Football than him. Ana wins....by 24pts.
DOGS vs. Ben: There's one every season. Dogs by a lot.
Chaos vs. Romosexual: Last season Steve's team was not as good as it's record, this season he's probably better than his record. Steve has 4 cowboys on his fantasy team, Brad has 4 lions. I don't have any dolphins. When the Lions and Cowboys met up earlier the Cowboys went up huge early, and than decided to go against conventional wisdom and keep the game in the hands of Tony Romo. Lions came from behind and won a close one. Same thing happens here. Lions win by 4.
Starfish vs Suck: Heyward Bay? Kellen Winslow? Ryan Grant? Bye weeks suck. Starfish wins by 20.
Evil Shenanigans vs. What's your deal?: This one will be a close matchup. Green Bay defense can't stop AP, they can only hope to contain him. Marshawn Lynch could have a huge game against Clevelandtown. Unfortunately a "huge game" for Marshawn is 50 yards and a score. My team is 3-3 and finding it's identity. My championship run begins today. Shenanigans by 10pts.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
The Commish
S.
Pretty crazy week for me. Romosexual and Starfish came into town and it was great having them! I spent a tuesday morning at Heaven on Earth followed by a trip to the casino to shoot some craps and play penny slots. It's probably as pirate-kingy as I could get on a Tuesday morning. I realized I'm not addicted to slot machines but addicted to slot machine mini-games....I'll pay 10 dollars of spins to play one bonus round where I get to fire cannon shots into the sky for bonuses. That game had bonus games within bonus games.... it's the reason the Commish Report is coming out at 9:30am on Sunday.
Long week = Short Report, onto the MATCHUPS!!! (2-2-1....a tie???)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Only Jets Fan Left vs. JetLovin: Ugh I hate the Jets. But I love a matchup against husband and wife. Sir Mathew Forte is playing in England this week. I wonder how much of NFL Pre-game in the UK is explaining what a yard is? Eric's team looks a lot like my team used to (Holmes, Mendenhall, Starks) it's about time Skywalker started listening to Yoda. Even with all my old players I can't bring myself to pick E, especially against someone who is way better at Fantasy Football than him. Ana wins....by 24pts.
DOGS vs. Ben: There's one every season. Dogs by a lot.
Chaos vs. Romosexual: Last season Steve's team was not as good as it's record, this season he's probably better than his record. Steve has 4 cowboys on his fantasy team, Brad has 4 lions. I don't have any dolphins. When the Lions and Cowboys met up earlier the Cowboys went up huge early, and than decided to go against conventional wisdom and keep the game in the hands of Tony Romo. Lions came from behind and won a close one. Same thing happens here. Lions win by 4.
Starfish vs Suck: Heyward Bay? Kellen Winslow? Ryan Grant? Bye weeks suck. Starfish wins by 20.
Evil Shenanigans vs. What's your deal?: This one will be a close matchup. Green Bay defense can't stop AP, they can only hope to contain him. Marshawn Lynch could have a huge game against Clevelandtown. Unfortunately a "huge game" for Marshawn is 50 yards and a score. My team is 3-3 and finding it's identity. My championship run begins today. Shenanigans by 10pts.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
The Commish
S.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 6
Today's my night off. I've been on this Paleo diet cleanse for an eternity (9 days) and ok sure I've cut a few corners (two trips to Togos and some Wine) but I've done a lot better than I anticipated. Instead of crossfit and organic free range grilled chicken tonight it's Jaspers cheeseburger and Dos Equis. I couldn't be happier
Speaking of couldn't be happier...
The Lions are 5-0!!!! The Packers are 5-0!!!! They meet-up over Thanksgiving in what will be a sure-fire classic. That will be the 2nd most relevant game that day because we all can agree on the magnitude of Dolphins vs. Cowboys that morning.
Apparently 1-4 is bad enough to go against everything you've been saying from the start of the season John Fox. Good luck with your 2nd string half-back running the offense. The Jets went 0-3 on their road trip and now get my beloved Dolphins on Monday Night Football. I know the Fins can't be anybody but c'mon, beat those freakin Jets! I love me some Fred Jackson, I'll admit it. Without Tony Romo playing this week I feel like I'm missing some material....
Apparently you don't have to be pay attention to your roster to beat E as Heather (who lost interest in her fantasy team about 3 minutes after she ensured she'd have Big Ben at QB) pulled out the win despite being down two players. For a second I thought I might catch up to Steve on the Jahvid's best night ever (see what I did there?). What's your deal is trying to separate from the pack, hopefully Dwayne Bowe doesn't have a ridic catch in him every week.
What's in Store for us this week? (3-2 last week...lack of alcohol is depleting my abilities)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Chaos N Suh vs. Suck For Luck: Roommates typically have enough to fight about already but this week will be intense. Niners, on huge roll. Lions, on a huge roll. Those two teams square off this Sunday. Brad, rebounded nicely this week from his defeat previously. Jeremy, suffering a loss this week and looking to rebound. This two guys might kill each other! Can the Niners stop Calvin Johnson and Co.? No, not even Optimus Prime (leader of the Autobots) could cover Megatron in the endzone in 2011. Brad wins a close one, by 5pts.
What's Your Deal? (Seriously?) vs. One Lonely Jets Fan: 1st Place versus Last Place. Obviously going the direction everything thinks I will. Joe wins by 40pts (plus or minus a few).
Ben There vs. Evil Shenanigans: Interesting strategy of playing Andre Johnson last week. He didn't pan out well for Heather (0pts against a prediction of....0pts) but the decision to start him didn't cost her a win. It will cost her a win this week. Me by 20pts.
Starfish Loves vs. Jet Lovin: Lotta love in this matchup. Remember last year when Philly and the Redskins met on MNF and DeSean Jackson went off for 70 yards and a TD on the first play of the game? I'm sure the 'Skins remember that too. Won't happen this year. Meanwhile you know I love me some Buffalo Bills offense. A lot changes in one year. Starfish circles the wagons and rides the Amish Rifle (phrasing) to victory. Starfish by 10pts.
DOGS RUNNIN' WICKY WILD vs. Romosexual Regrets: Aaron Rogers and Greg Jennings are the most explosive duo since Tim Allen and Richard Karn. No Beanie this week and that doesn't bode Wells for my mom. CJ Spiller is good for 20 yards sure, on 5 carries in the 4th quarter. But there's better on waivers. Steve is missing Chris Johnson this week but I doubt he'll miss CJ's 8 points average. This one will be close and I'll give the edge to my mom. Everybody know what time it is? Time for Dogs to win another, by 3 points.
I have a Skype Date in 5 minutes. How 21st century am I?
You must set your rosters before kickoff to have fun in this league.
NBA Season is about to be canceled. I don't know about you but I'd rather watch BA Player/Owner negotiations than the WNBA. No disrespect to the hundreds of WNBA fans and Joe.
Go Ducks! Big game against the Sun Devils this weekend. I will be glued to the TV for all the action. A few of you are heading to the game, send me some pics to post on the blog!
Like this one
The Commish
S.
Speaking of couldn't be happier...
The Lions are 5-0!!!! The Packers are 5-0!!!! They meet-up over Thanksgiving in what will be a sure-fire classic. That will be the 2nd most relevant game that day because we all can agree on the magnitude of Dolphins vs. Cowboys that morning.
Apparently 1-4 is bad enough to go against everything you've been saying from the start of the season John Fox. Good luck with your 2nd string half-back running the offense. The Jets went 0-3 on their road trip and now get my beloved Dolphins on Monday Night Football. I know the Fins can't be anybody but c'mon, beat those freakin Jets! I love me some Fred Jackson, I'll admit it. Without Tony Romo playing this week I feel like I'm missing some material....
Apparently you don't have to be pay attention to your roster to beat E as Heather (who lost interest in her fantasy team about 3 minutes after she ensured she'd have Big Ben at QB) pulled out the win despite being down two players. For a second I thought I might catch up to Steve on the Jahvid's best night ever (see what I did there?). What's your deal is trying to separate from the pack, hopefully Dwayne Bowe doesn't have a ridic catch in him every week.
What's in Store for us this week? (3-2 last week...lack of alcohol is depleting my abilities)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Chaos N Suh vs. Suck For Luck: Roommates typically have enough to fight about already but this week will be intense. Niners, on huge roll. Lions, on a huge roll. Those two teams square off this Sunday. Brad, rebounded nicely this week from his defeat previously. Jeremy, suffering a loss this week and looking to rebound. This two guys might kill each other! Can the Niners stop Calvin Johnson and Co.? No, not even Optimus Prime (leader of the Autobots) could cover Megatron in the endzone in 2011. Brad wins a close one, by 5pts.
What's Your Deal? (Seriously?) vs. One Lonely Jets Fan: 1st Place versus Last Place. Obviously going the direction everything thinks I will. Joe wins by 40pts (plus or minus a few).
Ben There vs. Evil Shenanigans: Interesting strategy of playing Andre Johnson last week. He didn't pan out well for Heather (0pts against a prediction of....0pts) but the decision to start him didn't cost her a win. It will cost her a win this week. Me by 20pts.
Starfish Loves vs. Jet Lovin: Lotta love in this matchup. Remember last year when Philly and the Redskins met on MNF and DeSean Jackson went off for 70 yards and a TD on the first play of the game? I'm sure the 'Skins remember that too. Won't happen this year. Meanwhile you know I love me some Buffalo Bills offense. A lot changes in one year. Starfish circles the wagons and rides the Amish Rifle (phrasing) to victory. Starfish by 10pts.
DOGS RUNNIN' WICKY WILD vs. Romosexual Regrets: Aaron Rogers and Greg Jennings are the most explosive duo since Tim Allen and Richard Karn. No Beanie this week and that doesn't bode Wells for my mom. CJ Spiller is good for 20 yards sure, on 5 carries in the 4th quarter. But there's better on waivers. Steve is missing Chris Johnson this week but I doubt he'll miss CJ's 8 points average. This one will be close and I'll give the edge to my mom. Everybody know what time it is? Time for Dogs to win another, by 3 points.
I have a Skype Date in 5 minutes. How 21st century am I?
You must set your rosters before kickoff to have fun in this league.
NBA Season is about to be canceled. I don't know about you but I'd rather watch BA Player/Owner negotiations than the WNBA. No disrespect to the hundreds of WNBA fans and Joe.
Go Ducks! Big game against the Sun Devils this weekend. I will be glued to the TV for all the action. A few of you are heading to the game, send me some pics to post on the blog!
The Commish
S.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 5
Forgive me for the delayed report, been a roller-coaster week. But I promise to always have this posted before the first kickoff each and every week.
"Are you ready for some football?!?!" Has been silenced. Hank Williams Junior was fired from ESPN after using an analogy that compared Obama to Hitler. I'm not defending Hank Jr (he's an idiot and what do you expect when you give the man a microphone?) but my concern is I doubt the people who are condemning Hank Jr held themselves to that same standard when Bush was in office. For example, Family Guy has made similar if not worse jokes about Dubya while he was still in office and I didn't see (nor would I want to see) that show pulled off the air or punished. I'm all about fairness and free speech but this is a double standard our society has created regarding criticizing the man in office.
The best part of great controversy is that it always sparks some amazing comedy.
You can add Andre Johnson and (sigh) Chad Henne to last week's running tally of notable injuries. If Reggie Bush wasn't the answer to the Fin's lack of offense I'm pretty sure neither is Sage Rosenbush. At what point in the season can teams begin throwing games for the #1 Draft Pick? Luck will look great in Orange and Turquoise.
In our league we've seen some surprising things. Only four week's into this season E actually won one. Usually he waits until Thanksgiving before unleashing the hounds. My sweet mother came out of no where to put down a beating on my sister. Sounds like I had a rough childhood. I did, one time I didn't get Nintendo for 2 weeks.
What's in store for this week's Matchups! (0-5 Last weeks....now that's just embarrassing)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! JetLovinJunior vs. What's Your Deal?: The battle of 3-1 giants rages this week as Joe and Ana duel. Drew Brees vs. Tom "Big Haircut" Brady. This one will get pretty close. I hope Ana brags every Sunday to E how great her team is doing while E watches Mike Vick get hurt. She won't be bragging this week though as the nasty duo of Brady and AP are just too much to handle. Deal by 15pts.
Suck for Luck vs. DOGGIES: After a huge point total last week I'm not sure if Beanie Wells and Co. can repeat against the #1 spot. Jeremy has a good team but really no one seems to do much against his squad. Eventually a Defense will figure out Tom Brady throws to Wes Welker....ALOT. I think the Jets are pretty dumb but not that dumb? They can't be. I'll take Dogs to repeat with big games from Rodgers, Jennings the New York G-Men. Dogs by 5pts.
Romosexual Regrets vs. Evil Shenanigans: If Tony Romo were a combat pilot he'd already be busted down to flying cargo planes full of rubber dog #$%@ out of Hong Kong. Shenanigans by 8pts.
Chaos vs. Starfish: What happens when the league's best pass rush meets the leagues most sacked quarterback? We'll find out on Monday Night Football when the Lions meet the Bears. Are you ready for some.....oh yea not doing that anymore. Look for the Lions to make a statement in primetime and Brad's Fantasy team to roll as a result. Chaos by 10pts.
Been There vs. The Jets Fan: Would love to pick against E in this matchup. Would love to pick against E in every matchup. It takes a lot for me to pick E to win. Seeing Heather's roster not updated with an hour and a half until kickoff raises enough concern for me to write something I never thought I'd write. Jet's Fan wins by A lot!
Big Fan of Pandora? Then you'll be a celebrity stalker of Slacker Radio. It's like Pandora just ridiculously better. Check it out at www.slacker.com.
With the NBA Lockout all but certain i'm sure Jeremy is really excited to finally have someone to talk WNBA with.
Get your rosters set in advance people!
Enjoy the games this weekend! Highly looking forward to Monday Night Football, Nathe (some of you may know) is having a poker game that night, let me know if you feel like giving me all of your money.
What? Me Worry?
The Commish
S.
"Are you ready for some football?!?!" Has been silenced. Hank Williams Junior was fired from ESPN after using an analogy that compared Obama to Hitler. I'm not defending Hank Jr (he's an idiot and what do you expect when you give the man a microphone?) but my concern is I doubt the people who are condemning Hank Jr held themselves to that same standard when Bush was in office. For example, Family Guy has made similar if not worse jokes about Dubya while he was still in office and I didn't see (nor would I want to see) that show pulled off the air or punished. I'm all about fairness and free speech but this is a double standard our society has created regarding criticizing the man in office.
The best part of great controversy is that it always sparks some amazing comedy.
You can add Andre Johnson and (sigh) Chad Henne to last week's running tally of notable injuries. If Reggie Bush wasn't the answer to the Fin's lack of offense I'm pretty sure neither is Sage Rosenbush. At what point in the season can teams begin throwing games for the #1 Draft Pick? Luck will look great in Orange and Turquoise.
In our league we've seen some surprising things. Only four week's into this season E actually won one. Usually he waits until Thanksgiving before unleashing the hounds. My sweet mother came out of no where to put down a beating on my sister. Sounds like I had a rough childhood. I did, one time I didn't get Nintendo for 2 weeks.
What's in store for this week's Matchups! (0-5 Last weeks....now that's just embarrassing)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! JetLovinJunior vs. What's Your Deal?: The battle of 3-1 giants rages this week as Joe and Ana duel. Drew Brees vs. Tom "Big Haircut" Brady. This one will get pretty close. I hope Ana brags every Sunday to E how great her team is doing while E watches Mike Vick get hurt. She won't be bragging this week though as the nasty duo of Brady and AP are just too much to handle. Deal by 15pts.
Suck for Luck vs. DOGGIES: After a huge point total last week I'm not sure if Beanie Wells and Co. can repeat against the #1 spot. Jeremy has a good team but really no one seems to do much against his squad. Eventually a Defense will figure out Tom Brady throws to Wes Welker....ALOT. I think the Jets are pretty dumb but not that dumb? They can't be. I'll take Dogs to repeat with big games from Rodgers, Jennings the New York G-Men. Dogs by 5pts.
Romosexual Regrets vs. Evil Shenanigans: If Tony Romo were a combat pilot he'd already be busted down to flying cargo planes full of rubber dog #$%@ out of Hong Kong. Shenanigans by 8pts.
Chaos vs. Starfish: What happens when the league's best pass rush meets the leagues most sacked quarterback? We'll find out on Monday Night Football when the Lions meet the Bears. Are you ready for some.....oh yea not doing that anymore. Look for the Lions to make a statement in primetime and Brad's Fantasy team to roll as a result. Chaos by 10pts.
Been There vs. The Jets Fan: Would love to pick against E in this matchup. Would love to pick against E in every matchup. It takes a lot for me to pick E to win. Seeing Heather's roster not updated with an hour and a half until kickoff raises enough concern for me to write something I never thought I'd write. Jet's Fan wins by A lot!
Big Fan of Pandora? Then you'll be a celebrity stalker of Slacker Radio. It's like Pandora just ridiculously better. Check it out at www.slacker.com.
With the NBA Lockout all but certain i'm sure Jeremy is really excited to finally have someone to talk WNBA with.
Get your rosters set in advance people!
Enjoy the games this weekend! Highly looking forward to Monday Night Football, Nathe (some of you may know) is having a poker game that night, let me know if you feel like giving me all of your money.
What? Me Worry?
The Commish
S.
Friday, September 30, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 4
Oh My God....You Killed Kenny!!!!!
I feel like there's a big injury problem from the lockout that the NFL needs to own up to. Kenny Britt, Jamal Charles, Nick Collins, Jordan Shipley, Nate Keading all done for the season. Arian Foster, Steven Jackson, All of the Oakland Wide Receivers, Marques Colston, Michael Vick (every other quarter), Miles Austin, All of the NYG Wide Receivers, Reggie Bush (with fumbleitis and a severe lack of overall talent), Dez Bryant, Tony Romo, Brandon Lloyd, Cedric Benson (with an inflamed wrap-sheet), Aaron Hernandez, Bob Sanders (career IR member) and Lee Evans are just a few of the players I can think of that have had injury problems this season. Taking away my beloved kickoff play wasn't the answer. Looking at the average pre-season rankings....about 50% of the projected top ten picks have been busts (not all due to Injury. See Johnson, Chris). This is the result of the lockout, NFL Owners and Union battled over player safety just long enough to make it un-safe for players to play.
Our League isn't safe either. It's only week three and every team has been defeated once. Hard to tell who is the dominate team right now. Suck leads the league in points but hasn't face much competition. And E has had the toughest road thus far. Woe is E.
Lend me your ears as I review this week's Matchups! (3-2 last week, above .500)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Professor Chaos vs. JetLovin Son of a Gun: The last two main events had a combined point difference of 3pts. I know a good one when I see it! Remember when Dallas made Mark Sanchez look like Mathew Stafford in the 4th quarter? Well this week Dallas D faces the actual Stafford. And he throws to Calvin Johnson who I hear is a pretty decent wideout. A lot of big D's in Dallas but no D to stop the Lions pass attack...much to Brad's delight. Lions roar by 5pts.
Romosexual Implications vs. J-E-T-S Suck Suck Suck!: Jets suck. Romo wins 176pts (or One Half of a Jets Head Coach).
DOGS vs. Starfish Loves You?: Dammit! Who typed a question mark in the teleprompter? Gotta love the Daughter Mother matchup here. Solid wavier wire pick up with David Nelson but I can't say CJ Spiller is taking over for Freddie Jackson anytime soon. Carla believed in the Bills earlier in the season and has Fitzpatrick and Jackson to show for it. And Blount, who will punch his way through the Colts run defense. Starfish wins? By 13pts? In the vest? You know he did his own stunts....
Ben There vs. What's Your Deal?: Heather pulled off the big win last week despite Hillis being pulled from his game due to the sniffles. Tom Brady and AP on the same team doesn't seem fair. Luckily the talent pool drops to Jordy Nelson shortly there-after. I expect big games from Andre Johnson, Hillis and Big Ben (Shootout with Schaub? Lets hope so). I'll take Heather in a close matchup here. Ben avoids prison and wins by lack of evidence.....I mean 7 points.
Evil Shenanigans vs. Suck for Luck: Mathews vs. Tolbert in Fantasy battle. I like it! Normally I'd take Mathews hands down, a year later the kid is living up to his 2010 hype. But he has been hurt this week and looks like he won't be 100%. Luckily for both the Fins don't play defense. We all know who I'm picking in this one anyways.....ME by 13 points.
Still don't have a team to root for this season? Here's a flowchart to help you out.
Stab me in the eye fact of the week. Currently 3 of the top 5 fantasy players are Patriots (Brady, Welker, Gronkowski).
Finatic Hopeful Fact of the Week: Currently Chad Henne is a top 10 fantasy QB (7th). Michael Vick, Tony Romo, Philip Rivers and Matt Ryan are not. Cam Newton is #3.
I'll say this about Lions fans....they know how to tailgate.
Jason Garrett's playcalling is catching on at the youth level.
I had no idea how much we depend on idioms.
The Commish
S.
I feel like there's a big injury problem from the lockout that the NFL needs to own up to. Kenny Britt, Jamal Charles, Nick Collins, Jordan Shipley, Nate Keading all done for the season. Arian Foster, Steven Jackson, All of the Oakland Wide Receivers, Marques Colston, Michael Vick (every other quarter), Miles Austin, All of the NYG Wide Receivers, Reggie Bush (with fumbleitis and a severe lack of overall talent), Dez Bryant, Tony Romo, Brandon Lloyd, Cedric Benson (with an inflamed wrap-sheet), Aaron Hernandez, Bob Sanders (career IR member) and Lee Evans are just a few of the players I can think of that have had injury problems this season. Taking away my beloved kickoff play wasn't the answer. Looking at the average pre-season rankings....about 50% of the projected top ten picks have been busts (not all due to Injury. See Johnson, Chris). This is the result of the lockout, NFL Owners and Union battled over player safety just long enough to make it un-safe for players to play.
Our League isn't safe either. It's only week three and every team has been defeated once. Hard to tell who is the dominate team right now. Suck leads the league in points but hasn't face much competition. And E has had the toughest road thus far. Woe is E.
Lend me your ears as I review this week's Matchups! (3-2 last week, above .500)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Professor Chaos vs. JetLovin Son of a Gun: The last two main events had a combined point difference of 3pts. I know a good one when I see it! Remember when Dallas made Mark Sanchez look like Mathew Stafford in the 4th quarter? Well this week Dallas D faces the actual Stafford. And he throws to Calvin Johnson who I hear is a pretty decent wideout. A lot of big D's in Dallas but no D to stop the Lions pass attack...much to Brad's delight. Lions roar by 5pts.
Romosexual Implications vs. J-E-T-S Suck Suck Suck!: Jets suck. Romo wins 176pts (or One Half of a Jets Head Coach).
DOGS vs. Starfish Loves You?: Dammit! Who typed a question mark in the teleprompter? Gotta love the Daughter Mother matchup here. Solid wavier wire pick up with David Nelson but I can't say CJ Spiller is taking over for Freddie Jackson anytime soon. Carla believed in the Bills earlier in the season and has Fitzpatrick and Jackson to show for it. And Blount, who will punch his way through the Colts run defense. Starfish wins? By 13pts? In the vest? You know he did his own stunts....
Ben There vs. What's Your Deal?: Heather pulled off the big win last week despite Hillis being pulled from his game due to the sniffles. Tom Brady and AP on the same team doesn't seem fair. Luckily the talent pool drops to Jordy Nelson shortly there-after. I expect big games from Andre Johnson, Hillis and Big Ben (Shootout with Schaub? Lets hope so). I'll take Heather in a close matchup here. Ben avoids prison and wins by lack of evidence.....I mean 7 points.
Evil Shenanigans vs. Suck for Luck: Mathews vs. Tolbert in Fantasy battle. I like it! Normally I'd take Mathews hands down, a year later the kid is living up to his 2010 hype. But he has been hurt this week and looks like he won't be 100%. Luckily for both the Fins don't play defense. We all know who I'm picking in this one anyways.....ME by 13 points.
Still don't have a team to root for this season? Here's a flowchart to help you out.
Stab me in the eye fact of the week. Currently 3 of the top 5 fantasy players are Patriots (Brady, Welker, Gronkowski).
Finatic Hopeful Fact of the Week: Currently Chad Henne is a top 10 fantasy QB (7th). Michael Vick, Tony Romo, Philip Rivers and Matt Ryan are not. Cam Newton is #3.
I'll say this about Lions fans....they know how to tailgate.
Jason Garrett's playcalling is catching on at the youth level.
I had no idea how much we depend on idioms.
The Commish
S.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 3
Good evening all,
Week 3 in the NFL and so much to talk about! Are the Bills for real? We'll find out Sunday! Is Cam Newton legit? (I really hope not). Who's in better shape to get Andrew Luck, the Colts or the Chiefs? I say Colts. Can Denver continue sportin' Orton or will the fans stage a coup? Will Tom Terrific throw for 7,500 yards this season (he's currently on pace to do so). Are the Lions relevant again? Which Steeler team and Which Ravens squad we've seen is the real one? Will 6-10 be enough to win the NFC West? (yes). Tony Romo used to just fall apart running an offense and now he's just falling apart.
Game I'm looking forward to the most this week is Patriots at Bills. I reluctantly watched Oakland v Buffalo last weekend (broke, can't afford direct ticket) and I must say WHAT A GAME! Those plucky bills just wouldn't die and that 4th quarter was pretty epic. Ryan Fitzpatrick, Stevie Johnson, Fred "Don't call me fast freddie" Jackson are pretty fun to watch I must say. Now they get the Pats and I hope it's another classic.
Game I'm looking forward to the least is Jets at Rrrrraiders. I hope the game ends in a tie and the black hole collapses on both teams. Ending both the Jets and Raiders franchises and Raider Nations fans....I'm sure if that happened the crime rate in Oakland would drop a few thousand percent. Raider fans.....
We have a great league this season. Ben There and I rebounded from embarrassing week 1 losses to put a hurt on some people in week 2. Jets Fan is off to his usual crappy start (3rd season in a row!), but what did he expect when he drafted LT and the Sanchize? New bloods Deal and Suck played the most epic fantasy matchup I think I've ever watched with Deal getting the hairline victory. Romosexual is below the Mendoza line which surprises me....he went all "Dallas Cowboys" on us this season.
Strike a Matchup, Light it up! (5-0 in predictions last week, I see so clearly)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Sibling Rivalry: It's Little brother versus Big Sister in the battle of Roberts children. Counting playoffs my record against my sister in Fantasy is exactly .500 (5-5). Big sis is in trouble though, Jamal Charles in Charge is sidelined For-Ev-Verrrrr and Cedric Benson is a Bengal so he's going to Jail this week. Me on the other hand, we all know how this ends. Little Brother by dozens.
Suck For Luck vs. Benny and the Jets: Yahoo added a cool feature. Click League and then Record Book. Yahoo tracks what teams do really good and gives them records for being good. Yahoo also tracks records for which teams do horribly bad. I noticed how there's a lot of awards for Luck with the word "Most" and a lot of awards for Jets Fan with the word "Least". I wish all predictions were this easy. Suck by ALOT!
DOGS RUNNING vs. Lions Passing!: Hard to know what my Mom's group will do from week to week. Rodgers will get his but I can't predict Beanie Wells or Santana Moss. Brad's team sort of rides or dies on the Lions who get the Minnesota Adrian Petersons this week. I think the Lions will maul the Vikings, so I gotta think Brad wins this one with Stafford and Megatron. Lions by 16 points. (Lions by 17 points too)
Ben the Rapist vs. JetLovinJunior: When Mark Sanchez and Jason Campbell get together WATCH OUT because there will be a lot of punts. Unfortunately you don't get points for punts. You don't, I don't, Darren McFadden Don't, Shonn Green Don't (he don't anyways) and the ratings will drop faster than passes to Braylon Edwards when the halftime score is 6-3. JetLovin by 10 points.
Romosexual vs Deals on Wheels: Tony Romo has a punctured lung, broken rib and a habit of falling apart in the 4th quarter. Tom Brady has a supermodel wife, 3 superbowl rings, cameo in Entourage and a supermodel wife. Deal by 18pts.
I want to thank Chaos for making me his date to Autzen this past weekend. Awesome experience. We laughed, we cried, we narrowly escaped a lifetime ban from the press box. I have new respect for how loud Autzen gets, I couldn't hear Crap down there! So loud. Anyways, amazing time and for the benefit of those with flash photography below are some shots.
Week 3 in the NFL and so much to talk about! Are the Bills for real? We'll find out Sunday! Is Cam Newton legit? (I really hope not). Who's in better shape to get Andrew Luck, the Colts or the Chiefs? I say Colts. Can Denver continue sportin' Orton or will the fans stage a coup? Will Tom Terrific throw for 7,500 yards this season (he's currently on pace to do so). Are the Lions relevant again? Which Steeler team and Which Ravens squad we've seen is the real one? Will 6-10 be enough to win the NFC West? (yes). Tony Romo used to just fall apart running an offense and now he's just falling apart.
Game I'm looking forward to the most this week is Patriots at Bills. I reluctantly watched Oakland v Buffalo last weekend (broke, can't afford direct ticket) and I must say WHAT A GAME! Those plucky bills just wouldn't die and that 4th quarter was pretty epic. Ryan Fitzpatrick, Stevie Johnson, Fred "Don't call me fast freddie" Jackson are pretty fun to watch I must say. Now they get the Pats and I hope it's another classic.
Game I'm looking forward to the least is Jets at Rrrrraiders. I hope the game ends in a tie and the black hole collapses on both teams. Ending both the Jets and Raiders franchises and Raider Nations fans....I'm sure if that happened the crime rate in Oakland would drop a few thousand percent. Raider fans.....
We have a great league this season. Ben There and I rebounded from embarrassing week 1 losses to put a hurt on some people in week 2. Jets Fan is off to his usual crappy start (3rd season in a row!), but what did he expect when he drafted LT and the Sanchize? New bloods Deal and Suck played the most epic fantasy matchup I think I've ever watched with Deal getting the hairline victory. Romosexual is below the Mendoza line which surprises me....he went all "Dallas Cowboys" on us this season.
Strike a Matchup, Light it up! (5-0 in predictions last week, I see so clearly)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Sibling Rivalry: It's Little brother versus Big Sister in the battle of Roberts children. Counting playoffs my record against my sister in Fantasy is exactly .500 (5-5). Big sis is in trouble though, Jamal Charles in Charge is sidelined For-Ev-Verrrrr and Cedric Benson is a Bengal so he's going to Jail this week. Me on the other hand, we all know how this ends. Little Brother by dozens.
Suck For Luck vs. Benny and the Jets: Yahoo added a cool feature. Click League and then Record Book. Yahoo tracks what teams do really good and gives them records for being good. Yahoo also tracks records for which teams do horribly bad. I noticed how there's a lot of awards for Luck with the word "Most" and a lot of awards for Jets Fan with the word "Least". I wish all predictions were this easy. Suck by ALOT!
DOGS RUNNING vs. Lions Passing!: Hard to know what my Mom's group will do from week to week. Rodgers will get his but I can't predict Beanie Wells or Santana Moss. Brad's team sort of rides or dies on the Lions who get the Minnesota Adrian Petersons this week. I think the Lions will maul the Vikings, so I gotta think Brad wins this one with Stafford and Megatron. Lions by 16 points. (Lions by 17 points too)
Ben the Rapist vs. JetLovinJunior: When Mark Sanchez and Jason Campbell get together WATCH OUT because there will be a lot of punts. Unfortunately you don't get points for punts. You don't, I don't, Darren McFadden Don't, Shonn Green Don't (he don't anyways) and the ratings will drop faster than passes to Braylon Edwards when the halftime score is 6-3. JetLovin by 10 points.
Romosexual vs Deals on Wheels: Tony Romo has a punctured lung, broken rib and a habit of falling apart in the 4th quarter. Tom Brady has a supermodel wife, 3 superbowl rings, cameo in Entourage and a supermodel wife. Deal by 18pts.
I want to thank Chaos for making me his date to Autzen this past weekend. Awesome experience. We laughed, we cried, we narrowly escaped a lifetime ban from the press box. I have new respect for how loud Autzen gets, I couldn't hear Crap down there! So loud. Anyways, amazing time and for the benefit of those with flash photography below are some shots.
And Final piece of business this week is a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Romosexual Regrets. May DeAngelo Hall never target your rib cage!
The Commish!
S.
Friday, September 16, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 2
Watching Monday Night Football from a bar in Utah I have to ask why do Bronco fans hate Kyle Orton? I'm really baffled by this. He's not the problem. Instead of sportin' Orton, the Denver Faithful really have it out for this guy. Fans this week collected $10K to post billboards demanding Fox put in Tim Tebow. He's not even the backup! Did you know last season Orton (87.5) had a better QB rating than Jay Cutler (86.3)? Programming Note: Mark Sanchez 75.3. Denver, it's your inability to stop the run or pick up a blitz that costs you games.....not Kyle Orton!
Buffalo put a beating on KC and stopped Charles in his tracks. If they can do the same against Run DMC and the Rrrrrraiders I'll consider them legit. Can the Jets play the Cowboys every Sunday night? The Ravens made the Steelers their drunk prom date for the weekend, but I'm not ready to hand them the division. It was one game. Patriots impressive. The Colts are doomed. And I will hate Cam Newton for his entire career. My Fins looked decent in their new offense but forgot how to play defense. Sigh....
Let's play a game. I'll tell you the Offensive Drive and you Tell me the Team. Ready?
1st and 10 (Run for loss)
2nd and 12 (Incomplete Pass)
3rd and 12 (False Start)
3rd and 17 (Delay of Game)
3rd and 22 (Incomplete Pass)
4th and 22 (Blocked Punt returned for a Touchdown by the other team)
You're welcome Steve.
Our league got off to a great start. Big wins from JetLovinJunior and Suck. E lost which we all expected. My mom grounded me worse than the time I [Insert childhood memory here]. Heather made a sad debut (has she even seen her team yet?) and Starfish was dealt no love.
On to this week's Matchups! (1-4 last week in my predictions....sad)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Suck for Luck vs. What's Your Deal?: League Rookie versus League Rookie. Niner Fan versus Niner Fan. Both coming off big wins last week. These guys have a sports rivarly that covers golf, beer pong and tecmo bowl. I like that one has Tom Brady and the other has Philip Rivers and the Chargers Defense. Should be interesting once the dust settles. I'm picking Joe in this one as a Birthday Present. Joe wins by 10 and celebrates with cake and strippers.
Evil Shenanigans vs. Chaos N Suh: Kenny Britt set fire to fantasy benches everywhere last week. I can't even believe I drafted him and now he's a "must-start" wide-out. Seriously? As expected Brad has more than a few Lions on his team. I wish I was playing him later in the season when Stafford's on the sideline with a clipboard. I have a Lion on my team as well and may the "Best" Lion win....you see what I did there? Ah you wouldn't get it. Me in a close one.
Romosexual vs. Sexual Predator: Heather and Pittsburg both made sad week 1 efforts but I think they both rebound this week. Hillis against the Colts. Big Ben at home against Seattle. AJ against a sub-par Dolphins Secondary. I think she has the deck stacked. Heather by 10 points.
Mama Roberts vs. JetLovin: As the opening game of the season proved investing in the Rodgers to Jennings connection is a smart move. However I can't see Santana Moss or Beanie Wells doing anything close to what they did week one. I'm going to have to take Ana in this matchup. She's proving once again that she can draft a better football team than Eric. Junior by 16pts.
Starfish Loves You vs. E: I think Roddy White will have a tough Sunday Night. I think D Williams is past his prime. This will be a close, low scoring matchup in my opinion with neither team doing anything big. And I'll take my sister to win it.....because it's E. Starfish by 6pts.
GQ Magazine sent me a great offer, two years for twenty bucks. I really considered it until I saw their pick for the future face of the NFL. Clearly GQ is not a magazine for me.
I had a great time at Starfish and Romosexual's wedding last weekend. My sister looked so beautiful and it was a great event. The happily married couple will be in Medford next month and there's a pizza dinner reception thing we've put together on Sunday, October 16th from 2pm - 5pm at my parent's house. You're all invited! Please RSVP in advance.
Don't burn the day.
The Commish
S.
Buffalo put a beating on KC and stopped Charles in his tracks. If they can do the same against Run DMC and the Rrrrrraiders I'll consider them legit. Can the Jets play the Cowboys every Sunday night? The Ravens made the Steelers their drunk prom date for the weekend, but I'm not ready to hand them the division. It was one game. Patriots impressive. The Colts are doomed. And I will hate Cam Newton for his entire career. My Fins looked decent in their new offense but forgot how to play defense. Sigh....
Let's play a game. I'll tell you the Offensive Drive and you Tell me the Team. Ready?
1st and 10 (Run for loss)
2nd and 12 (Incomplete Pass)
3rd and 12 (False Start)
3rd and 17 (Delay of Game)
3rd and 22 (Incomplete Pass)
4th and 22 (Blocked Punt returned for a Touchdown by the other team)
You're welcome Steve.
Our league got off to a great start. Big wins from JetLovinJunior and Suck. E lost which we all expected. My mom grounded me worse than the time I [Insert childhood memory here]. Heather made a sad debut (has she even seen her team yet?) and Starfish was dealt no love.
On to this week's Matchups! (1-4 last week in my predictions....sad)
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! Suck for Luck vs. What's Your Deal?: League Rookie versus League Rookie. Niner Fan versus Niner Fan. Both coming off big wins last week. These guys have a sports rivarly that covers golf, beer pong and tecmo bowl. I like that one has Tom Brady and the other has Philip Rivers and the Chargers Defense. Should be interesting once the dust settles. I'm picking Joe in this one as a Birthday Present. Joe wins by 10 and celebrates with cake and strippers.
Evil Shenanigans vs. Chaos N Suh: Kenny Britt set fire to fantasy benches everywhere last week. I can't even believe I drafted him and now he's a "must-start" wide-out. Seriously? As expected Brad has more than a few Lions on his team. I wish I was playing him later in the season when Stafford's on the sideline with a clipboard. I have a Lion on my team as well and may the "Best" Lion win....you see what I did there? Ah you wouldn't get it. Me in a close one.
Romosexual vs. Sexual Predator: Heather and Pittsburg both made sad week 1 efforts but I think they both rebound this week. Hillis against the Colts. Big Ben at home against Seattle. AJ against a sub-par Dolphins Secondary. I think she has the deck stacked. Heather by 10 points.
Mama Roberts vs. JetLovin: As the opening game of the season proved investing in the Rodgers to Jennings connection is a smart move. However I can't see Santana Moss or Beanie Wells doing anything close to what they did week one. I'm going to have to take Ana in this matchup. She's proving once again that she can draft a better football team than Eric. Junior by 16pts.
Starfish Loves You vs. E: I think Roddy White will have a tough Sunday Night. I think D Williams is past his prime. This will be a close, low scoring matchup in my opinion with neither team doing anything big. And I'll take my sister to win it.....because it's E. Starfish by 6pts.
GQ Magazine sent me a great offer, two years for twenty bucks. I really considered it until I saw their pick for the future face of the NFL. Clearly GQ is not a magazine for me.
I had a great time at Starfish and Romosexual's wedding last weekend. My sister looked so beautiful and it was a great event. The happily married couple will be in Medford next month and there's a pizza dinner reception thing we've put together on Sunday, October 16th from 2pm - 5pm at my parent's house. You're all invited! Please RSVP in advance.
Don't burn the day.
The Commish
S.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Commish Report: Week 1
I hope everyone is happy with their team. Sometimes the draft is the best part of your season. It's all downhill after that....just ask E.
It is the dawn of a new football season and I couldn't be more excited! I'm actually in Salt Lake City with DOGS, Starfish and Romosexual this week for the Starfish / Romosexual wedding. I'm pretty excited for the week ahead, my big sis is getting married and I love Steve (as much as one guy can love another guy who roots for the Cowboys). I'm all set, just need to figure out which Bridesmaid I'm going to drunkenly hit on after the nuptials....lucky girl.
Some great games this weekend. Pitt/Balt, The Colts go into Houston without Manning at the helm (side bar: Collins is a capable backup and neither team has a great defense, this will be a shootout. How much pressure does Houston have on them to win this? If they can't beat a Manningless Colts team in their own backyard who can they beat?), Romosexual versus Dirty Sanchez, Patriots against my beloved Dolphins....I'm smelling a week 1 upset! Yes, my weekend is set. Football has returned, good luck getting me to do ANYTHING on a Sunday.
On to the week one matchups!!!
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! DOGS RUNNING WILD v. Evil Shenanigans: I had to go with the Mother versus Son matchup in week one. I'm still in shell shock over the fact my mom passed on Peyton Manning and drafted most of the Packers Offense instead. Shocking. Yahoo sports doesn't believe in my team (71pts) but I don't believe in Yahoo Sports, Santa Claus, or when a girl says she's not like other girls. Evil Shenanigans return to the throne begins by defeating his own mother by 10pts.
Romosexual Regrets v. Jet Lovin: Is that team name a reference to the mile high club? I think Chris Johnson will be huge this week. I can't believe he got paid but I know they didn't give him all that money to pass the ball to Kenny Britt. 30+ Carries a game....what's CJ going to do, Complain? And the Jacksonville Jaguars just fired their most capable QB (Garrard) and are putting the offense in Rookie hands. If your team hasn't determined the starting QB before the final preseason game (Jacksonville and Washington) you know it just means the staff has no faith in either option. Doesn't bode well for the Jack Del Rio. Romosexual wins behind CJ's 25+ points. Regrets by 20.
Chaos N Suh v. Only Jets Fan Left: Unless Eric got help from his Fiancee I'm sure he drafted a crappy team.....again. Brad by 14 points.
Starfish Loves You v. What's Your Deal?: The season hasn't started and a Bengal went to Jail (Benson) a new team record. I actually think the Bengals won't win a game this season, seriously who are they favored against this year? If they can't stop Colt McCoy (BANG BANG) and the Brownies there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm picking Carla to Win this week because it's her wedding, good Karma is with her. Starfish wins by 10pts.
Ben There Raped That v. Suck for Luck: There's something wrong about both these team names. This rookie showdown should be full of fireworks. McFadden, Greene and Hillis all have interesting upsides. And Ryan Grant isn't the starter for his own team so he shouldn't be starting on anyone's fantasy team. I'm going to take Ben Rapistburger to win because we all know he doesn't take "No" for an answer. Heather by 16 points.
New ERA Commercial, Alec Baldwin delivers Comedic Gold.
Putting on my aviators and giving everyone my best douche-bag stare at the airport today is the closest I'll ever come to being a commercial pilot.
The Commish
S.
It is the dawn of a new football season and I couldn't be more excited! I'm actually in Salt Lake City with DOGS, Starfish and Romosexual this week for the Starfish / Romosexual wedding. I'm pretty excited for the week ahead, my big sis is getting married and I love Steve (as much as one guy can love another guy who roots for the Cowboys). I'm all set, just need to figure out which Bridesmaid I'm going to drunkenly hit on after the nuptials....lucky girl.
Some great games this weekend. Pitt/Balt, The Colts go into Houston without Manning at the helm (side bar: Collins is a capable backup and neither team has a great defense, this will be a shootout. How much pressure does Houston have on them to win this? If they can't beat a Manningless Colts team in their own backyard who can they beat?), Romosexual versus Dirty Sanchez, Patriots against my beloved Dolphins....I'm smelling a week 1 upset! Yes, my weekend is set. Football has returned, good luck getting me to do ANYTHING on a Sunday.
On to the week one matchups!!!
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK! DOGS RUNNING WILD v. Evil Shenanigans: I had to go with the Mother versus Son matchup in week one. I'm still in shell shock over the fact my mom passed on Peyton Manning and drafted most of the Packers Offense instead. Shocking. Yahoo sports doesn't believe in my team (71pts) but I don't believe in Yahoo Sports, Santa Claus, or when a girl says she's not like other girls. Evil Shenanigans return to the throne begins by defeating his own mother by 10pts.
Romosexual Regrets v. Jet Lovin: Is that team name a reference to the mile high club? I think Chris Johnson will be huge this week. I can't believe he got paid but I know they didn't give him all that money to pass the ball to Kenny Britt. 30+ Carries a game....what's CJ going to do, Complain? And the Jacksonville Jaguars just fired their most capable QB (Garrard) and are putting the offense in Rookie hands. If your team hasn't determined the starting QB before the final preseason game (Jacksonville and Washington) you know it just means the staff has no faith in either option. Doesn't bode well for the Jack Del Rio. Romosexual wins behind CJ's 25+ points. Regrets by 20.
Chaos N Suh v. Only Jets Fan Left: Unless Eric got help from his Fiancee I'm sure he drafted a crappy team.....again. Brad by 14 points.
Starfish Loves You v. What's Your Deal?: The season hasn't started and a Bengal went to Jail (Benson) a new team record. I actually think the Bengals won't win a game this season, seriously who are they favored against this year? If they can't stop Colt McCoy (BANG BANG) and the Brownies there's no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm picking Carla to Win this week because it's her wedding, good Karma is with her. Starfish wins by 10pts.
Ben There Raped That v. Suck for Luck: There's something wrong about both these team names. This rookie showdown should be full of fireworks. McFadden, Greene and Hillis all have interesting upsides. And Ryan Grant isn't the starter for his own team so he shouldn't be starting on anyone's fantasy team. I'm going to take Ben Rapistburger to win because we all know he doesn't take "No" for an answer. Heather by 16 points.
New ERA Commercial, Alec Baldwin delivers Comedic Gold.
Putting on my aviators and giving everyone my best douche-bag stare at the airport today is the closest I'll ever come to being a commercial pilot.
The Commish
S.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Commish Report: Preseason
Welcome back sports fans!
I was pretty nervous....the thought of us not having a football season in 2011. Fantasy WNBA? Fantasy Rubix Cube Solving World Record? Fantasy Soccer? I looked at all kinds of worthless sports to get my fix. But alas, CBA's are signed and we're ready for FOOTBALL!!!!!
Of all the off-season story lines non is more ridiculous than Kevin Kolb. Here's why I hate the guy....in 2007 he signs with the Eagles for $4.285 million. In 2010 he signs an extension with Philly for another 12.25 million. In 2011 he signs a five-year deal for just under $64 million including $21 million in guaranteed money. So as of press time I'll go with the fact that Kevin Kolb has made $37 million as a QB, only counting the guaranteed dollars from Arizona.
Let's break that down as dollars per career accomplishment....
$5.3 Million per Game Started (7) OR....
$12.3 Million per Career Win (3) OR...
$3.36 Million per Career TD (11) OR....
$2.64 Million per Career INT (14)
His career QB rating is 73.2, for comparisons sake Tarvaris Jackson's career QB rating is 76.6 and Jackson's deal in Seattle is for $8 million over two years.
WTF Arizona? He is who you think he is!!!!! And you crowned his ass! When Kolb is traded to be a backup someplace else in 2 years just know you heard about it here first.
Let's meet this year's group of Football Enthusiasts, each worth more than Kevin Kolb in my book!
Evil Shenanigans (1): Your beloved Commish! Last season's 7th place finish was a horrible disaster because I drafted a Jet in the first round and he sucked.....should have saw that coming. My Fins season looks bleak at best. So glad we have Reggie Bush....his annual 300 yards from scrimmage and 2 special team touchdowns is exactly what Miami was lacking. After this report I'm writing my love letter to Kyle Orton. SAVE US!
Romosexual Regrets (1): Entered last year's playoffs the number one seed to only get immediately knocked out by a pack of wild dogs. Dallas usually has the same luck in playoffs so I wasn't surprised. The happy go lucky Romosexual is back, Felix Jones in the first round? I wouldn't put it past him. I also wouldn't put past Dallas to go a gentleman's 8-8 this season.....they sucked last year BEFORE Romo got hurt.
Starfish Loves You: My favorite Sister and bride-to-be is back with more love for football. If she gets the first pick again this year I'm throwing her out of the league, she clearly has hacked the Yahoo website. Are you still a Bronco Fan? Are you still suffering from Tebow fever? The most over-rated 3rd string quarterback to ever exist?
DOGS RUNNING WILD: I love my Mom, and she loves Peyton Manning, Her two little dogs and caps lock. I'm sorry Mom but I have the Colts on my list of teams to fade this season. Not a lot of profit in betting against Manning, but would you still draft him #1 if he can't play in until week 3?
Chaos N. Suh: Brad had a phenomenal rookie campaign last season, accomplishing more in one season than E has done in 3. However, He couldn't quite close the deal and lost the championship matchup. His Lions will roar again as hopes are high! I expect he'll draft Mathew Stafford higher than expected, he'll look like a genius until week 5 when Stafford's season is over and he's left with aforementioned Tarvaris Jackson as his QB.
4merlyKnwnAsAnEliFan: Ana is back! We've gotta change that name though. Who are you a fan of after you learned Eli is married and decided to withdraw your love for him. My prediction for Ana is that she'll once again do better than E...for the 3rd season in a row.
Only Jets Fan Left(-1): I expect E to draft Mark Sanchez, Shonn Green, and Curtis Martin....then finish in last place blaming the lack of hustle on the part of Martin. I've already vented enough about sub-par QB's so I won't talk about his man-crush Sanchez. Let's just say I don't expect the Fins to win the Superbowl this year but I think we'll beat the JETS....twice!
This Season's League Rookies....
Ben There Raped That: It's good to see that Steeler fans can own the fact their QB is a sexual predator. Heather I think is a bigger fan because of it. A fantasy football newbie, I advised her taking a defense in the 2nd round is a great strategy and the more players from one team the better. Mewelde Moore is the steal of the draft, get him by round 4 Heather!
Rice Rockets: Jeremy's a Niner fan which you'd think is a rough outlook on the season but let's be real, 7-9 could really win that division so odds are you could be dancing in January. I don't think Alex Smith is your guy but entertained that Niner organization is kicking the tires and checking the oil of a 1998 Culpepper "Just in case".
What's Your Deal?: NBC 5 Sports Director Joe Camarlinghi joins the group this year and has the pedigree of a potential champion. Big sports fans, quotes sports movies and has an excellence beer pong throw. I'm assuming a Niner Fan based on his love for the SF Giants. I think that's the first time we've had two team managers with the same favorite team. I'll have to recycle my jokes about Alex Smith's inabilities and Gore's lack of durability when talking about him or Jeremy.
Saying Goodbye to: Chesterfield Champs, Pimps from Oakland and last year's champ White RBs Anonymous. Brandon had to leave due to work commitments, I'm fine with that because I was sick of hearing about his Browns. Cleveland sucks!
And as always the Commish report will be posted weekly. And my annual disclaimer still applies, don't take anything i say in here seriously (unless it's about Oklahoma football because I seriously hate them). This football season should be EPIC so sit back, grab a beer and turn the lights up bright because it's going to be a hell of a show!
The Commish
S.
I was pretty nervous....the thought of us not having a football season in 2011. Fantasy WNBA? Fantasy Rubix Cube Solving World Record? Fantasy Soccer? I looked at all kinds of worthless sports to get my fix. But alas, CBA's are signed and we're ready for FOOTBALL!!!!!
Of all the off-season story lines non is more ridiculous than Kevin Kolb. Here's why I hate the guy....in 2007 he signs with the Eagles for $4.285 million. In 2010 he signs an extension with Philly for another 12.25 million. In 2011 he signs a five-year deal for just under $64 million including $21 million in guaranteed money. So as of press time I'll go with the fact that Kevin Kolb has made $37 million as a QB, only counting the guaranteed dollars from Arizona.
Let's break that down as dollars per career accomplishment....
$5.3 Million per Game Started (7) OR....
$12.3 Million per Career Win (3) OR...
$3.36 Million per Career TD (11) OR....
$2.64 Million per Career INT (14)
His career QB rating is 73.2, for comparisons sake Tarvaris Jackson's career QB rating is 76.6 and Jackson's deal in Seattle is for $8 million over two years.
WTF Arizona? He is who you think he is!!!!! And you crowned his ass! When Kolb is traded to be a backup someplace else in 2 years just know you heard about it here first.
Let's meet this year's group of Football Enthusiasts, each worth more than Kevin Kolb in my book!
Evil Shenanigans (1): Your beloved Commish! Last season's 7th place finish was a horrible disaster because I drafted a Jet in the first round and he sucked.....should have saw that coming. My Fins season looks bleak at best. So glad we have Reggie Bush....his annual 300 yards from scrimmage and 2 special team touchdowns is exactly what Miami was lacking. After this report I'm writing my love letter to Kyle Orton. SAVE US!
Romosexual Regrets (1): Entered last year's playoffs the number one seed to only get immediately knocked out by a pack of wild dogs. Dallas usually has the same luck in playoffs so I wasn't surprised. The happy go lucky Romosexual is back, Felix Jones in the first round? I wouldn't put it past him. I also wouldn't put past Dallas to go a gentleman's 8-8 this season.....they sucked last year BEFORE Romo got hurt.
Starfish Loves You: My favorite Sister and bride-to-be is back with more love for football. If she gets the first pick again this year I'm throwing her out of the league, she clearly has hacked the Yahoo website. Are you still a Bronco Fan? Are you still suffering from Tebow fever? The most over-rated 3rd string quarterback to ever exist?
DOGS RUNNING WILD: I love my Mom, and she loves Peyton Manning, Her two little dogs and caps lock. I'm sorry Mom but I have the Colts on my list of teams to fade this season. Not a lot of profit in betting against Manning, but would you still draft him #1 if he can't play in until week 3?
Chaos N. Suh: Brad had a phenomenal rookie campaign last season, accomplishing more in one season than E has done in 3. However, He couldn't quite close the deal and lost the championship matchup. His Lions will roar again as hopes are high! I expect he'll draft Mathew Stafford higher than expected, he'll look like a genius until week 5 when Stafford's season is over and he's left with aforementioned Tarvaris Jackson as his QB.
4merlyKnwnAsAnEliFan: Ana is back! We've gotta change that name though. Who are you a fan of after you learned Eli is married and decided to withdraw your love for him. My prediction for Ana is that she'll once again do better than E...for the 3rd season in a row.
Only Jets Fan Left(-1): I expect E to draft Mark Sanchez, Shonn Green, and Curtis Martin....then finish in last place blaming the lack of hustle on the part of Martin. I've already vented enough about sub-par QB's so I won't talk about his man-crush Sanchez. Let's just say I don't expect the Fins to win the Superbowl this year but I think we'll beat the JETS....twice!
This Season's League Rookies....
Ben There Raped That: It's good to see that Steeler fans can own the fact their QB is a sexual predator. Heather I think is a bigger fan because of it. A fantasy football newbie, I advised her taking a defense in the 2nd round is a great strategy and the more players from one team the better. Mewelde Moore is the steal of the draft, get him by round 4 Heather!
Rice Rockets: Jeremy's a Niner fan which you'd think is a rough outlook on the season but let's be real, 7-9 could really win that division so odds are you could be dancing in January. I don't think Alex Smith is your guy but entertained that Niner organization is kicking the tires and checking the oil of a 1998 Culpepper "Just in case".
What's Your Deal?: NBC 5 Sports Director Joe Camarlinghi joins the group this year and has the pedigree of a potential champion. Big sports fans, quotes sports movies and has an excellence beer pong throw. I'm assuming a Niner Fan based on his love for the SF Giants. I think that's the first time we've had two team managers with the same favorite team. I'll have to recycle my jokes about Alex Smith's inabilities and Gore's lack of durability when talking about him or Jeremy.
Saying Goodbye to: Chesterfield Champs, Pimps from Oakland and last year's champ White RBs Anonymous. Brandon had to leave due to work commitments, I'm fine with that because I was sick of hearing about his Browns. Cleveland sucks!
And as always the Commish report will be posted weekly. And my annual disclaimer still applies, don't take anything i say in here seriously (unless it's about Oklahoma football because I seriously hate them). This football season should be EPIC so sit back, grab a beer and turn the lights up bright because it's going to be a hell of a show!
The Commish
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